I like it when women hold sharp things and threaten me with them. ;)

Eh, I gave up the word “femdom” too, and really doubt I should bother the Goddess asking for help for that. She carries some pretty nasty sharp objects and wouldn’t want to be bothered.

*grin*

Yeah, that’s what I gathered, which is why I could read your post without needing blood pressure medication. :)

For me I can’t say I’d ever share that. I’d much rather control the person’s orgasm in a direct way, not “oh, I’m controlling your orgasm but off doing something else that means I’m distracted and can’t enjoy it.”

If I had a stable and were picking who to use that would have to do with how I felt, not with wanting someone else to feel jealous.

But well, I’m not very into teasing. I want people to feel exactly what I want them to feel. That’s not about being coy or taunting, usually. That’s about all my energy being focused, like a laser, on the experience I want to create in someone.

“Hee hee let’s mess with Steve’s head now!” or whatever is… well, for me personally it’s childish and that’s not what I want from my dominance.

Yes, and I see that a lot in some other “femdom” fantasies too. Where her control is great but the ULTIMATE CONTROL is the control had by the gang of men she give her sub out to.

I don’t have any problem with bi men, or bicurious men — hell one of my crushes is a bi switch. I don’t have issues with the fantasy of lending my slave to a guy.

But it has to be really clear — and this particular person is the only one I’ve met who can actually keep this distinction clear — that even if he finds the idea of being used by men thrilling, it’s not somehow more thrilling than being used by me. That I’m not a prop for it.

The piece of the definition I take sexual delight in about cuckoldry are the connotations of helplessnss and humiliation from the activity. I don’t know of another word that matches this description, but would like to find one if one exists.

I don’t think the word cuckolding needs to be wound so deeply around those particular interpretations of the words and fantasy that we don’t like, just like the word femdom shouldn’t need to automatically mean “submissive girls wearing tight PVC and collars and pretending to be mean to men”, they just are due to sheer numbers. God help us all if we let such things take away our right to free speech as well as sexuality, pun intended. :)

Yes. This is so completely it. A lot of cuckold narratives are actually about humiliating the woman. She is a slut, she wants sex, she dresses like a whore. It is the fucking epitome of the twisted misogyny some submissive men seem to thrive on.

Then there’s the way black men are used. It’s so racist.

I think what you describe is totally different, May. the word cuckolding is so deeply wound around this particular kind of fantasy. Sometimes I think it’s a kind of sublimated homosexual thing. That the sub guy really wants to fucked by the alpha male himself.

There are lots of fun ways to play with d/s and t&d with multiple partners. But cuckoldry to me just means bad stuff. And stuff where the woman is just a puppet acting out a male desire.

I don’t feel like I said it all that well in this post, but to me cuckoldry plays itself out in two main ways. First, it is part of an orgasm control thing. Second, it is yet more exertion of my dominants control, this time not only over me, but over the other guy she is with. These are two very powerful elements of fantasy that mix many different aspects of my particular triggers for feelings of slavishness.

But make no mistake about it, I am not impotent or weak in this fantasy, and she is always in control of everything. And everyone.

but I’m glad to see someone talking about it in a realistic way.

I had a thing for a guy some years back whose whole thing turned out to be about his being less of a man. So his idea was that Alpha Males actually reign supreme (and even dominant women crave to be dominated by them — hope you can see my issue, here!)

and then there are some bossy women

and then worms like him.

His whole cuckoldry thing was that he be forced to prepare a woman for her ravishment by a REALMAN.

This offends me totally because it’s saying my orientation isn’t real, that I’m some kind of middle[wo]man facilitating power dynamics between men, and that’s all I’m for.

So the whole cuckoldry thing squicks me really. I WANT submissive men. I don’t want to pretend not to want them, I don’t want to go off and have sex with someone whose orgasm I don’t control when someone whose orgasm I do is right there in the room, etc etc… it makes no sense to me.

But thank you tons for not doing the “this is about men being more dominant than women” thing.