Today I read Lady Julia’s recent post on Verbal assertions of control where she quotes Her Buddy who said:

I asked her if I did good this weekend. She said she must not give me enough praise. I said that is not it, just for some reason, I like to hear her acknowledge what I have done. Just a reminder from her verbally goes a long way.

This never really struck me as being something that was ever tied specifically to a D/s relationship, because this is something I find important in every aspect of my life. I like to know that my efforts have not gone unnoticed, that I’m actually making a difference and that people appreciate my work. I like to know that my friends think I’m a good friend and that my girlfriend thinks I’m generous to her. This isn’t something I seek out of some kind of lack of self-confidence or a need to feel validated, but rather a connection to whomever is on the receiving side of my efforts.

Lady Julia remarks:

Everyone needs a bit of praise from time to time, but it took me a while in the beginning to realize just how much more intensely words of encouragement and appreciation mean to many submissive fellas. Even more than that, I think, is how much hearing the assertion of my control means.

(Emphasis added.)

This is very true. What’s more pertinent to me than simply understanding that this form of acknowledgement is desirable, however, is thinking about why it is that my Mistress’s assertions of her control are so sexy. Certainly, it is an obvious part that an assertion itself is a statement of control, and that is what I get off on.

Lady Julia continues and says:

For many these types of verbal assertions of control really seem to excite, motivate, and strengthen the bond between the Dom/me and the submissive.

Rook’s particular hot button is for me to remind him that I saw him, decided I wanted him, and was able with almost no effort to seduce him into being mine to control. He loves knowing I took him – a man who did not identify himself with being submissive at all – and guided him to a place where he will now do anything I ask.

For many utilizing verbal assertions of control won’t be a natural thing. It wasn’t for me, but the more I use them and take note of the responses they elicit, the more it has become a natural part of the way I communicate.

Last night Eileen and I walked and talked for hours and one of the things that came up during the conversation was how sexy I find it when I think about her dominating a man who displays more traditionally masculine personality traits and how focused on her that fantasy is. In fact, when I think about her being with someone cool and masculine and sexy in those ways, it is still her dominance that is arousing to me (and this is true for every arousing thing about unfair situation I may be in). That dominance is an assertion of her control much in the same way as a verbal declaration such as “I like it when you’re horny and needy” is an assertion of her control, and that’s sexy.

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