Comments on: Co-topping, the kink threesome http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/co-topping-the-kink-threesome/ Because 'kinky' is an adjective, not an activity Fri, 18 May 2012 00:29:39 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: tom allen http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/co-topping-the-kink-threesome/#comment-237 tom allen Fri, 10 Aug 2007 02:03:00 +0000 http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/co-topping-the-kink-threesome/#comment-237 *raises hand*<br/>I've had sex with women toward whom I've not felt the slightest inclination to indulge in kink. I've lusted after certain women, thinking that it would be fun to have sex - plain, ol' sensual, fun, happy sex. And certainly, I've had kinky partners with whom I've had great kinky sex and great non-kinky sex.<br/><br/>IOW, I separate the desires depending upon, oh, I dunno, some kind of criteria that I can't describe. To me, it's all part of the same continuum, but not all equivalent. *raises hand*
I’ve had sex with women toward whom I’ve not felt the slightest inclination to indulge in kink. I’ve lusted after certain women, thinking that it would be fun to have sex – plain, ol’ sensual, fun, happy sex. And certainly, I’ve had kinky partners with whom I’ve had great kinky sex and great non-kinky sex.

IOW, I separate the desires depending upon, oh, I dunno, some kind of criteria that I can’t describe. To me, it’s all part of the same continuum, but not all equivalent.

]]> By: maymay http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/co-topping-the-kink-threesome/#comment-236 maymay Thu, 09 Aug 2007 21:47:00 +0000 http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/co-topping-the-kink-threesome/#comment-236 Oh, I agree that scenes are not necessarily sex and sex are not necessarily scenes. I have wanted to scene with people I did not want to have sex with, but I can rarely think of a time when I have wanted to have sex with someone who I did not also, in one way or another, want to scene with. I imagine some people have the reverse inclination, but I've not heard them tell me about it. Oh, I agree that scenes are not necessarily sex and sex are not necessarily scenes. I have wanted to scene with people I did not want to have sex with, but I can rarely think of a time when I have wanted to have sex with someone who I did not also, in one way or another, want to scene with. I imagine some people have the reverse inclination, but I’ve not heard them tell me about it.

]]> By: tom allen http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/co-topping-the-kink-threesome/#comment-235 tom allen Thu, 09 Aug 2007 21:22:00 +0000 http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/co-topping-the-kink-threesome/#comment-235 May, you know how people often equate sex with orgasm, but in chastity play one ends up discovering that orgasms are only a small part of sex? I'd imagine that it's kind of the same mindset for some people - scening might present such a range of sensations and emotions that actual sex is not necessary for their enjoyment. May, you know how people often equate sex with orgasm, but in chastity play one ends up discovering that orgasms are only a small part of sex? I’d imagine that it’s kind of the same mindset for some people – scening might present such a range of sensations and emotions that actual sex is not necessary for their enjoyment.

]]> By: Eileen http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/co-topping-the-kink-threesome/#comment-234 Eileen Thu, 09 Aug 2007 21:18:00 +0000 http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/co-topping-the-kink-threesome/#comment-234 <em>Is it that way when you think of topping other people?</em><br/><br/>Actually, no. Or rather, not often. I don't always want to fuck the people I play with - you know how weirdly wired I am about sex. And I can find people very attractive as play partners wthout wanting to sleep with them.<br/><br/>I think that has more to do with you. You, and your bum. Is it that way when you think of topping other people?

Actually, no. Or rather, not often. I don’t always want to fuck the people I play with – you know how weirdly wired I am about sex. And I can find people very attractive as play partners wthout wanting to sleep with them.

I think that has more to do with you. You, and your bum.

]]> By: m.t. http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/co-topping-the-kink-threesome/#comment-233 m.t. Thu, 09 Aug 2007 21:04:00 +0000 http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/co-topping-the-kink-threesome/#comment-233 For me, wanting to bottom to someone is very different from wanting to have sex with them. Or, it's not so much that it's different - they are related. But there are people I'd enthusiastically bottom to who I wouldn't be comfortable having sex with. For me, bottoming is a lot less intimate than having sex. (For one thing, you don't have to get your body all over the other person's body, look them in the eyes necessarily, etc.)<br/><br/>But then I'm not that great of a bottom. Apparently I give no feedback and nobody can tell what's going on with me. Oh well.<br/><br/>Topping someone is probably closer to sex. You can't top someone if you're not comfortable handling their naked body.<br/><br/>I fell in love with Jos by topping him. That was before we ever had sex. Early on in our sex life together, he complained that I was not a dom to him in bed, only in scenes. I didn't really know how to integrate the two as the top.<br/><br/>I think part of my separation of scenes from sex results from having had most of my scenes at a club in public. You can have sex there, but for the most part people don't. So the scenes I've had have tended to be quite separate from sex in my mind.<br/><br/>Of course, I talked about sex above as though it's mainly whether you are or are not <em>repelled</em> by the idea of having sex with someone. What about the positive desire to have sex with someone?<br/><br/>They're kind of separate for me. In my scene bottoming to the guy I call Good Dom, who I never dreamed of getting to scene with before that, I didn't think about sex at all. I could want to have sex with that guy, but I've never really thought about it, despite how many times I've watched him play. And having him hold my naked body while I trembled and nearly passed out from part of the scene didn't push my mind in that direction either. For me, wanting to bottom to someone is very different from wanting to have sex with them. Or, it’s not so much that it’s different – they are related. But there are people I’d enthusiastically bottom to who I wouldn’t be comfortable having sex with. For me, bottoming is a lot less intimate than having sex. (For one thing, you don’t have to get your body all over the other person’s body, look them in the eyes necessarily, etc.)

But then I’m not that great of a bottom. Apparently I give no feedback and nobody can tell what’s going on with me. Oh well.

Topping someone is probably closer to sex. You can’t top someone if you’re not comfortable handling their naked body.

I fell in love with Jos by topping him. That was before we ever had sex. Early on in our sex life together, he complained that I was not a dom to him in bed, only in scenes. I didn’t really know how to integrate the two as the top.

I think part of my separation of scenes from sex results from having had most of my scenes at a club in public. You can have sex there, but for the most part people don’t. So the scenes I’ve had have tended to be quite separate from sex in my mind.

Of course, I talked about sex above as though it’s mainly whether you are or are not repelled by the idea of having sex with someone. What about the positive desire to have sex with someone?

They’re kind of separate for me. In my scene bottoming to the guy I call Good Dom, who I never dreamed of getting to scene with before that, I didn’t think about sex at all. I could want to have sex with that guy, but I’ve never really thought about it, despite how many times I’ve watched him play. And having him hold my naked body while I trembled and nearly passed out from part of the scene didn’t push my mind in that direction either.

]]> By: maymay http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/co-topping-the-kink-threesome/#comment-232 maymay Thu, 09 Aug 2007 20:31:00 +0000 http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/co-topping-the-kink-threesome/#comment-232 <i>For me, wanting to top you is very often the same as wanting to fuck you.</i><br/><br/>Is it that way when you think of topping other people? For me, wanting to top you is very often the same as wanting to fuck you.

Is it that way when you think of topping other people?

]]> By: Eileen http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/co-topping-the-kink-threesome/#comment-231 Eileen Thu, 09 Aug 2007 20:25:00 +0000 http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/co-topping-the-kink-threesome/#comment-231 For me, wanting to top you is very often the same as wanting to fuck you. For me, wanting to top you is very often the same as wanting to fuck you.

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