Comments on: The sex trade http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/ Because 'kinky' is an adjective, not an activity Fri, 18 May 2012 00:29:39 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: maymay http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comment-1703 maymay Fri, 08 Feb 2008 19:34:07 +0000 http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comment-1703 CD-Host, not to sound like I'm blowing you off, but if you haven't done so, then you might consider reading the rest of this blog, and possibly the ones I've linked above in my previous response, too. It doesn't sound like you have, because everything I'd say in response to your last comment I've been writing about for months on end elsewhere on this site. If you already have read these blogs and the above is what you've concluded, then, yes, at the moment I have to blow you off. Got too much <a href="/2008/01/16/the-selfish-highlight-reel-rhode-island-fetish-flair-flea-market-recap/" rel="nofollow">packing to do</a>. CD-Host, not to sound like I’m blowing you off, but if you haven’t done so, then you might consider reading the rest of this blog, and possibly the ones I’ve linked above in my previous response, too. It doesn’t sound like you have, because everything I’d say in response to your last comment I’ve been writing about for months on end elsewhere on this site. If you already have read these blogs and the above is what you’ve concluded, then, yes, at the moment I have to blow you off. Got too much packing to do.

]]> By: CD-Host http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comment-1701 CD-Host Fri, 08 Feb 2008 18:11:03 +0000 http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comment-1701 <I> What bugs me is that many submissive men, including some of the ones who responded to this post, see it as their only choice. </I> Only choice for what? Obviously people always have choices. But I think what they are saying more precisely is: given the relative importance I attach to sex and submission with respect to the rest of my life ..... And by and large that's hard to argue with. I'm not sure exactly what you mean by, "What’s problematic in all this is that if you’re the only one who thinks it’s not the only choice and no one you can maybe play with does, you’re out of luck". What I think you may be saying is that the girls you want to play with end up prodomming part/full time and so don't want to dom recreationally, but I'm not sure that's what you mean. If so I can see how that would be a problem. But that's kind of similar to what happens in the vanilla community as well, where woman can date older men but not vice versa (until around 40 when that whole formula starts to reverse). Now in terms of the daily life issues and kink (from 2 posts back). I don't think I'm arguing for much that is outside the norm. Clients for prodoms are by and large (say probably 85% are 4 of the 5): male, middle aged, financially successful, busy at work and heavily involved in at least one outside activity (family being the most common). BDSM (at least for me) puts me in a frame of mind which is: submissive, contented, joyful, dreamy and lazy. I can't maintain the other aspects of my life in that emotional state. By and large what I need is: aggressive, anxious, discounted, insightful, focused and hard working. Sure I'd like the former state to the latter, but other people count on me to be on my game. I would suspect that's the case for most clients. <I>No matter which way you slice it, prodommes and their clients get a bad rap. </I> Sorry to keep disagreeing but I'm not so sure what do you mean by bad rap. Its legal, so there are no arrests. Its somewhat glamorized by the media, think Lady Heather from CSI. All sorts of mainstream woman's erotica has BDSM themes. BDSM fashions have gone mainstream. Given you are talking about a sexual kink I think it gets pretty good press. Compare to say: necrophillia, bestiality, coprohillia, pedophilia .... I think the BDSM community has it no worse than the gay community and arguably better. What realistically could you hope for? What bugs me is that many submissive men, including some of the ones who responded to this post, see it as their only choice.

Only choice for what? Obviously people always have choices. But I think what they are saying more precisely is: given the relative importance I attach to sex and submission with respect to the rest of my life ….. And by and large that’s hard to argue with. I’m not sure exactly what you mean by, “What’s problematic in all this is that if you’re the only one who thinks it’s not the only choice and no one you can maybe play with does, you’re out of luck”.

What I think you may be saying is that the girls you want to play with end up prodomming part/full time and so don’t want to dom recreationally, but I’m not sure that’s what you mean. If so I can see how that would be a problem. But that’s kind of similar to what happens in the vanilla community as well, where woman can date older men but not vice versa (until around 40 when that whole formula starts to reverse).

Now in terms of the daily life issues and kink (from 2 posts back). I don’t think I’m arguing for much that is outside the norm. Clients for prodoms are by and large (say probably 85% are 4 of the 5): male, middle aged, financially successful, busy at work and heavily involved in at least one outside activity (family being the most common). BDSM (at least for me) puts me in a frame of mind which is: submissive, contented, joyful, dreamy and lazy. I can’t maintain the other aspects of my life in that emotional state. By and large what I need is: aggressive, anxious, discounted, insightful, focused and hard working. Sure I’d like the former state to the latter, but other people count on me to be on my game. I would suspect that’s the case for most clients.

No matter which way you slice it, prodommes and their clients get a bad rap.

Sorry to keep disagreeing but I’m not so sure what do you mean by bad rap. Its legal, so there are no arrests. Its somewhat glamorized by the media, think Lady Heather from CSI. All sorts of mainstream woman’s erotica has BDSM themes. BDSM fashions have gone mainstream. Given you are talking about a sexual kink I think it gets pretty good press. Compare to say: necrophillia, bestiality, coprohillia, pedophilia …. I think the BDSM community has it no worse than the gay community and arguably better. What realistically could you hope for?

]]> By: maymay http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comment-1679 maymay Thu, 07 Feb 2008 23:57:47 +0000 http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comment-1679 CD-Home, thanks for moving the conversation here. :) <blockquote>First off I don’t believed I argued this was an exemplar of D/S. You were the one attacking clients “I can’t understand why these men sell their submission the way they do. It’s insulting to me, as a proud human, bottom, and submissive, that they even consider the thought.”… and then you responded to the above with “…and so visiting a pro-domme is just the ticket for you, but…” which means I did responded to your core point.</blockquote> Okay, that's fair. You're not arguing it's the exemplar of D/s, but many pro-dommes do. What bugs me is that many submissive men, including some of the ones who responded to this post, see it as their only choice. Mainstream American culture sees it as the only choice. Maybe it's even the only choice for you or a lot of people—maybe for "healthy" reasons, maybe not. The facts, though, indicate that it's <em>not</em> the only choice. What's problematic in all this is that if you're the only one who thinks it's not the only choice and no one you can maybe play with does, you're out of luck. I.e., see <a href="//unspeakableaxe.com/" rel="nofollow">Axe's whole blog</a>, and for the woman's point of view, see <a href="//bitchyjones.com/" rel="nofollow">Bitchy Jones's whole blog</a>. <blockquote>Clients aren’t selling their submission they are paying for a service, a form of interactive entertainment.</blockquote> Some are, some aren't. Like anything else, there are lots of people doing things for lots of different reasons. What's upsetting to me is how often the perceptions about these people—even their perceptions of themselves—so poorly resembles the reality of the situation. No matter which way you slice it, prodommes and their clients get a bad rap. That sucks for both prodommes and the clients. My point in this post is that the clients are often just as harshly to blame as the prodommes themselves and the people who are neither prodommes or clients. People seem to often forget that: it's either all the prodommes fault (ala. "whore/slut/woman") or it's the "culture." But no, a significant chunk of the blame—probably the majority if you ask me—rests squarely on the shoulders of stupid submissive men. <blockquote> A lifedomm partner is someone actually involved in your life, she may play games with you but she isn’t playing games for you. I think the problem is that you aren’t seeing the difference in these two relationships and confusing them. Of course it would be inappropriate to pay a lifedom partner an hourly fee, her checking account should be drawing from the same place the fee would come from anyway.</blockquote> I'm not confusing the two. In fact, I'm trying to draw distinctions—big, obvious, generalized, impassable distinctions—between the two. It's the prodommes who are confusing the two out of economic value, and it's the submissive men who visit them who are confusing the two out of emotional value. And <em>that's</em> the problem with selling their submission the way so many of them do. CD-Home, thanks for moving the conversation here. :)

First off I don’t believed I argued this was an exemplar of D/S. You were the one attacking clients “I can’t understand why these men sell their submission the way they do. It’s insulting to me, as a proud human, bottom, and submissive, that they even consider the thought.”… and then you responded to the above with “…and so visiting a pro-domme is just the ticket for you, but…” which means I did responded to your core point.

Okay, that’s fair. You’re not arguing it’s the exemplar of D/s, but many pro-dommes do. What bugs me is that many submissive men, including some of the ones who responded to this post, see it as their only choice. Mainstream American culture sees it as the only choice. Maybe it’s even the only choice for you or a lot of people—maybe for “healthy” reasons, maybe not. The facts, though, indicate that it’s not the only choice. What’s problematic in all this is that if you’re the only one who thinks it’s not the only choice and no one you can maybe play with does, you’re out of luck. I.e., see Axe’s whole blog, and for the woman’s point of view, see Bitchy Jones’s whole blog.

Clients aren’t selling their submission they are paying for a service, a form of interactive entertainment.

Some are, some aren’t. Like anything else, there are lots of people doing things for lots of different reasons. What’s upsetting to me is how often the perceptions about these people—even their perceptions of themselves—so poorly resembles the reality of the situation. No matter which way you slice it, prodommes and their clients get a bad rap. That sucks for both prodommes and the clients. My point in this post is that the clients are often just as harshly to blame as the prodommes themselves and the people who are neither prodommes or clients. People seem to often forget that: it’s either all the prodommes fault (ala. “whore/slut/woman”) or it’s the “culture.” But no, a significant chunk of the blame—probably the majority if you ask me—rests squarely on the shoulders of stupid submissive men.

A lifedomm partner is someone actually involved in your life, she may play games with you but she isn’t playing games for you. I think the problem is that you aren’t seeing the difference in these two relationships and confusing them. Of course it would be inappropriate to pay a lifedom partner an hourly fee, her checking account should be drawing from the same place the fee would come from anyway.

I’m not confusing the two. In fact, I’m trying to draw distinctions—big, obvious, generalized, impassable distinctions—between the two. It’s the prodommes who are confusing the two out of economic value, and it’s the submissive men who visit them who are confusing the two out of emotional value. And that’s the problem with selling their submission the way so many of them do.

]]> By: CD-Host http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comment-1675 CD-Host Thu, 07 Feb 2008 21:03:48 +0000 http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comment-1675 I replied to an early version </a> and was asked to move the response here <I> Well .... No clients bothered to show up and respond really so... I think you are completely off your rocker regarding the attitudes of clients towards there own sexuality. I have a great marriage to a terrific woman: a woman who for 14 years has given me support in my career, has been a wonderful mother and a fantastic partner for life. She also doesn't have it in her to tie someone up that she cares about and hit them hard enough to leave welts and bruises. But the fact of the matter is: -- If I died tomorrow I have perfect confidence my kids would grow up healthy and happy because of the woman I am married to. -- I've gone a more than a decade without having a serious fight about money. -- And I have a partner whose opinions I genuinely respect. Almost without exception when she has questioned or disagreed with my choices: either there is a simple disagreement on fact or there is a major aspect of the decisions I haven't considered. Oh and vice versa, she's a very bright woman and loves having someone in her life she can bounce big choices off of, that really does care about her and at the same time makes choices the way she would. But yeah, she would suck using a cane. Erratic woman with volatile tempers turn me on tremendously. And if my dick were the most important thing in my life I'd be sure to hook up with a woman like that. But it isn't, and it isn't 2nd or 3rd either. So once in a while I hire a woman who gets to play the totally irrational violent game and I have a great time. They make a couple hundred dollars and we both go away relatively happy. But yes I'm acting they are acting and the real thing would be much more sexually satisfying. But creating the real thing would destroy a happy family over a sexual whim. Oh and we both hate taking care of the lawn so we have a gardner to do that as well. And neither of us does any dental work on the other. Frankly, D/S puts you in touch with the sorts of raw emotions that are probably better kept out daily life and wives and husbands spend most of their time together dealing with daily life. </i> Maymay responded <I>CD-Host, with all due respect, I have to respectfully disagree with most of what you said. You don't seem to even be addressing the points I'm making in most of your comment, and in the parts that are, you're saying things I think are downright dangerous, though not invalid. As an aside, let me remind you that this blog is stale, and to continue this discussion, please re-post your comment on the new page for this post. I'd be happy to give your comment a more thorough response over there. In brief, however, the state of your marriage and whether or not it is healthy is not up for debate, nor is the mental tenacity of your children. What is up for debate is how your patronage of pro-doms affects the cultural tropes of BDSM, and your remark that "D/S puts you in touch with the sorts of raw emotions that are probably better kept out daily life" is exactly the kind of attitude that treats D/s, kink, BDSM, and indeed most sexualities as self-expressions that are off-limits in "normal, day-to-day life." Maybe your marriage can't incorporate frequent cane strokes administered by your wife and so visiting a pro-domme is just the ticket for you, but when you turn your combination marriage and pro-domme patronage into the exemplar of how D/s should be envisioned, then you leave no room for the opinion of others.</I> First off I don't believed I argued this was an exemplar of D/S. You were the one attacking clients "I can't understand why these men sell their submission the way they do. It's insulting to me, as a proud human, bottom, and submissive, that they even consider the thought."... and then you responded to the above with "...and so visiting a pro-domme is just the ticket for you, but..." which means I did responded to your core point. Clients aren't selling their submission they are paying for a service, a form of interactive entertainment. Prodoms are very intelligent and astute young woman capable of playing out a role that combines acting, therapy and BDSM. The guy I buy a car from my be affable and friendly but at the end of the day, he's not my friend he wants to sell me a car. That's not to say he's faking the jokes or not having a good time at work, but he is at work. A lifedomm partner is someone actually involved in your life, she may play games <B>with</b> you but she isn't playing games <b>for</b> you. I think the problem is that you aren't seeing the difference in these two relationships and confusing them. Of course it would be inappropriate to pay a lifedom partner an hourly fee, her checking account should be drawing from the same place the fee would come from anyway. I'll respond to the stuff about daily life in another post. I replied to an early version and was asked to move the response here


Well …. No clients bothered to show up and respond really so…

I think you are completely off your rocker regarding the attitudes of clients towards there own sexuality. I have a great marriage to a terrific woman: a woman who for 14 years has given me support in my career, has been a wonderful mother and a fantastic partner for life. She also doesn’t have it in her to tie someone up that she cares about and hit them hard enough to leave welts and bruises.

But the fact of the matter is:
– If I died tomorrow I have perfect confidence my kids would grow up healthy and happy because of the woman I am married to.
– I’ve gone a more than a decade without having a serious fight about money.
– And I have a partner whose opinions I genuinely respect. Almost without exception when she has questioned or disagreed with my choices: either there is a simple disagreement on fact or there is a major aspect of the decisions I haven’t considered. Oh and vice versa, she’s a very bright woman and loves having someone in her life she can bounce big choices off of, that really does care about her and at the same time makes choices the way she would.

But yeah, she would suck using a cane. Erratic woman with volatile tempers turn me on tremendously. And if my dick were the most important thing in my life I’d be sure to hook up with a woman like that. But it isn’t, and it isn’t 2nd or 3rd either. So once in a while I hire a woman who gets to play the totally irrational violent game and I have a great time. They make a couple hundred dollars and we both go away relatively happy. But yes I’m acting they are acting and the real thing would be much more sexually satisfying. But creating the real thing would destroy a happy family over a sexual whim.

Oh and we both hate taking care of the lawn so we have a gardner to do that as well. And neither of us does any dental work on the other. Frankly, D/S puts you in touch with the sorts of raw emotions that are probably better kept out daily life and wives and husbands spend most of their time together dealing with daily life.

Maymay responded CD-Host, with all due respect, I have to respectfully disagree with most of what you said. You don’t seem to even be addressing the points I’m making in most of your comment, and in the parts that are, you’re saying things I think are downright dangerous, though not invalid.

As an aside, let me remind you that this blog is stale, and to continue this discussion, please re-post your comment on the new page for this post. I’d be happy to give your comment a more thorough response over there.

In brief, however, the state of your marriage and whether or not it is healthy is not up for debate, nor is the mental tenacity of your children. What is up for debate is how your patronage of pro-doms affects the cultural tropes of BDSM, and your remark that “D/S puts you in touch with the sorts of raw emotions that are probably better kept out daily life” is exactly the kind of attitude that treats D/s, kink, BDSM, and indeed most sexualities as self-expressions that are off-limits in “normal, day-to-day life.”

Maybe your marriage can’t incorporate frequent cane strokes administered by your wife and so visiting a pro-domme is just the ticket for you, but when you turn your combination marriage and pro-domme patronage into the exemplar of how D/s should be envisioned, then you leave no room for the opinion of others.

First off I don’t believed I argued this was an exemplar of D/S. You were the one attacking clients “I can’t understand why these men sell their submission the way they do. It’s insulting to me, as a proud human, bottom, and submissive, that they even consider the thought.”… and then you responded to the above with “…and so visiting a pro-domme is just the ticket for you, but…” which means I did responded to your core point.

Clients aren’t selling their submission they are paying for a service, a form of interactive entertainment. Prodoms are very intelligent and astute young woman capable of playing out a role that combines acting, therapy and BDSM. The guy I buy a car from my be affable and friendly but at the end of the day, he’s not my friend he wants to sell me a car. That’s not to say he’s faking the jokes or not having a good time at work, but he is at work. A lifedomm partner is someone actually involved in your life, she may play games with you but she isn’t playing games for you. I think the problem is that you aren’t seeing the difference in these two relationships and confusing them. Of course it would be inappropriate to pay a lifedom partner an hourly fee, her checking account should be drawing from the same place the fee would come from anyway.

I’ll respond to the stuff about daily life in another post.

]]> By: Anonymous http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comment-452 Anonymous Tue, 04 Sep 2007 18:48:00 +0000 http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comment-452 Just thought I would chip in. I used to see Pro Dommes from 18 years old to 21 years old then I stopped altogether its been about 7 years since I saw one now and I will never see one for the rest of my life now. <br/><br/>The reason I did it at the time was because I wasnt aware of anything else or a scene or anything. If I had known at the time that these women where making money out of the fact there are ao few Dommes I would not have seen them at all.<br/><br/>One of the Pro's I saw started to fall in love with me, she was quite stressed and frustrated with her love life. I wanst expecting this at all and I did not enjoy it. Just thought I would chip in. I used to see Pro Dommes from 18 years old to 21 years old then I stopped altogether its been about 7 years since I saw one now and I will never see one for the rest of my life now.

The reason I did it at the time was because I wasnt aware of anything else or a scene or anything. If I had known at the time that these women where making money out of the fact there are ao few Dommes I would not have seen them at all.

One of the Pro’s I saw started to fall in love with me, she was quite stressed and frustrated with her love life. I wanst expecting this at all and I did not enjoy it.

]]> By: maymay http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comment-428 maymay Sat, 01 Sep 2007 15:37:00 +0000 http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comment-428 I kind of love how this relatively short post has spawned such incredible long comments. :) But anyway,<br/><br/>Sue,<br/><br/>"<em>You compare prodommery to prostitution. Or say it is prostitution. […] How prostitution is portrayed doesn't impact my sex life. At all. It doesn't make people think that sex in general is about something it isn't. Right?</em>"<br/><br/>Really? I beg to differ; prostitution changes sex politically and always has and always will. It may not change the way <em>you</em> fuck, but it certainly changes things like the laws about what kind of fucking is okay and what kind isn't. Laws are codes of behavior that governments get to enforce based upon the perceived majority's ethical ideals, themselves based upon a morality (in America, a very Christian one).<br/><br/>I think a lot of people don't really think pro-dommery or prostitution changes much about the way they have sex, but I also think msot of these people also <em>don't mind how it affects them</em> and so why would they bother to care in the first place?<br/><br/>Pro-dommery affects me and changes the way I have sex because the images of female domination and, more poignantly, male submission, cause people to treat me in ways I don't like. It's not my friends who do that, it's the world at large, so it's not really intended to be personal (and I do my best not to take it too personally, but that's hard), but it sure as fuck pisses me off.<br/><br/>Not sure if that actually helps; I just woke up and haven't rubbed the sleep from my eyes yet. I kind of love how this relatively short post has spawned such incredible long comments. :) But anyway,

Sue,

“You compare prodommery to prostitution. Or say it is prostitution. […] How prostitution is portrayed doesn’t impact my sex life. At all. It doesn’t make people think that sex in general is about something it isn’t. Right?“

Really? I beg to differ; prostitution changes sex politically and always has and always will. It may not change the way you fuck, but it certainly changes things like the laws about what kind of fucking is okay and what kind isn’t. Laws are codes of behavior that governments get to enforce based upon the perceived majority’s ethical ideals, themselves based upon a morality (in America, a very Christian one).

I think a lot of people don’t really think pro-dommery or prostitution changes much about the way they have sex, but I also think msot of these people also don’t mind how it affects them and so why would they bother to care in the first place?

Pro-dommery affects me and changes the way I have sex because the images of female domination and, more poignantly, male submission, cause people to treat me in ways I don’t like. It’s not my friends who do that, it’s the world at large, so it’s not really intended to be personal (and I do my best not to take it too personally, but that’s hard), but it sure as fuck pisses me off.

Not sure if that actually helps; I just woke up and haven’t rubbed the sleep from my eyes yet.

]]> By: Sue http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comment-426 Sue Sat, 01 Sep 2007 15:00:00 +0000 http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comment-426 I'm still trying to wrap my head around some of this stuff, so bear with me...<br/><br/>The notion that BDSM has a political feel? Totally new to me. Ok, not totally new, but new since I discovered this corner of the blogosphere. So I'm trying to understand a totally new view of it. <br/><br/>What I am having a hard time with is this... and I'm going to translate it into vanilla-esque metaphors for clarity. You compare prodommery to prostitution. Or say it is prostitution. <br/><br/>Leave out everything else about prodommery good or bad or anything else for just a min, because I need to understand just this one little bit of it...<br/><br/>So, looking at prostitution. Prostitution is portrayed a certain way in the media, online, etc. How prostitution is portrayed doesn't impact my sex life. At all. It doesn't make people think that sex in general is about something it isn't. Right? (... and despite my love of being right, I can be wrong. It is often when I learn something new)<br/><br/>So how is it that prodommery (if it is always kinky prostitution) any different, in that it impacts my kinks? I’m still trying to wrap my head around some of this stuff, so bear with me…

The notion that BDSM has a political feel? Totally new to me. Ok, not totally new, but new since I discovered this corner of the blogosphere. So I’m trying to understand a totally new view of it.

What I am having a hard time with is this… and I’m going to translate it into vanilla-esque metaphors for clarity. You compare prodommery to prostitution. Or say it is prostitution.

Leave out everything else about prodommery good or bad or anything else for just a min, because I need to understand just this one little bit of it…

So, looking at prostitution. Prostitution is portrayed a certain way in the media, online, etc. How prostitution is portrayed doesn’t impact my sex life. At all. It doesn’t make people think that sex in general is about something it isn’t. Right? (… and despite my love of being right, I can be wrong. It is often when I learn something new)

So how is it that prodommery (if it is always kinky prostitution) any different, in that it impacts my kinks?

]]> By: "toiling" tom allen http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comment-215 "toiling" tom allen Mon, 06 Aug 2007 02:23:00 +0000 http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comment-215 <i>Oh, Tom, it is cheating to distract me with your masculine wiles.</i><br/><br/>Well, I've been working out, and just wanted to brag a bit... er, what I mean is, all that toiling out in the field is toning me up. Oh, Tom, it is cheating to distract me with your masculine wiles.

Well, I’ve been working out, and just wanted to brag a bit… er, what I mean is, all that toiling out in the field is toning me up.

]]> By: BJ http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comment-211 BJ Sun, 05 Aug 2007 16:20:00 +0000 http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comment-211 <i>I'm a hairy, muscular guy who's good with power tools</i><br/><br/>Oh, Tom, it is cheating to distract me with your masculine wiles. I’m a hairy, muscular guy who’s good with power tools

Oh, Tom, it is cheating to distract me with your masculine wiles.

]]> By: tom allen http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comment-210 tom allen Sun, 05 Aug 2007 15:51:00 +0000 http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comment-210 <i>I'm sick of the world telling me that the men I prefer to have sex with are sick and unmanly and worthless and pathetic.</i><br/><br/>May beat me to this - <i>I'm</i> sick of being told I'm pathetic and worthless and unmanly. Ironically, I'm a hairy, muscular guy who's good with power tools and works in an industry that's particularly male-dominated (no pun intended); in a lot of ways I seem to be the antithesis of the type of person displayed by the media who might enjoy sexual subjugation. I've had some especially bad experiences in the past with trying to open up about this. <br/><br/>But I don't think that railing against pro-dommes (or their clients) is the way to counteract the cultural bias. I don't know <i>what</i> the solution is, but denigrating those who live on the edge of the "lifestyle" doesn't seem to me to be useful. I’m sick of the world telling me that the men I prefer to have sex with are sick and unmanly and worthless and pathetic.

May beat me to this – I’m sick of being told I’m pathetic and worthless and unmanly. Ironically, I’m a hairy, muscular guy who’s good with power tools and works in an industry that’s particularly male-dominated (no pun intended); in a lot of ways I seem to be the antithesis of the type of person displayed by the media who might enjoy sexual subjugation. I’ve had some especially bad experiences in the past with trying to open up about this.

But I don’t think that railing against pro-dommes (or their clients) is the way to counteract the cultural bias. I don’t know what the solution is, but denigrating those who live on the edge of the “lifestyle” doesn’t seem to me to be useful.

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