Maymay's pursuit of life, liberty, and sexual freedom.
Beat me, hurt me, use me, torture me, but do it because you love me.
A look into the mind of a submissive and bisexual man.
This content may not be suitable for all audiences—know thyself.
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Bitchy, bitchy Jones, who generously spent an hour talking with me for this episode, shared her insightful viewpoints on Femdommery™ and what makes it hot, or not. I’d like to send a very special thanks to Bitchy for speaking with me and for sharing her views.
KinkForAll is an ad-hoc unconference on sexuality for anyone and everyone. Anyone with the desire to learn in an open environment or with something to contribute is welcome and invited to participate.
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Bound with rope at the wrists and ankles, a naked man lays limp in the arms of a larger woman who holds him by his waist and collar high above her head.
Here’s a captivating image, suggested by Pimmie, who wrote:
I have a picture for you by the Dutch photographer Erwin Olaf called Powerlifting.
I love the little details in this artwork, like the placing of the woman’s hands. She holds the man’s weight up on two very vulnerable spots on his body. Her dominance speaks from the look on her face alone. And I love her body shape in this context; a powerful stance on delicate shoes. [I love t]he surrender in the man’s pose.
The overall impression of this picture, for me, is of a woman showing her prey or catch.
“Surrender” is so often linked with failure or loss, things that are in turn associated with negative connotations of “submission.” But surrender is also, and simply, the cessation of resistance. It can be an act of acceptance or an embrace; not a failure to assert, but an action motivated by the desire to explore or, sometimes, to relax.
Compositionally, I’m conflicted about posting this image here because the subject is ambiguous; is the photo more about her, or him? Ultimately, of course, they both contribute to it. Interestingly, according to Wikipedia, one of [Erwin Olaf’s] early photographs was once expelled from a show on the basis of not containing nudity.
Clearly, any criteria may always cut both ways.
Events of potential interest (back in New York City) Random bits of interest
Soooo I’m getting back to listening to podcasts here. I always need some time to find my way into the conversation – the foreign language thing – but when I get there, it is a pleasure to listen.
A few random notes:
I liked how you briefly touched on the paradox of submission. This wanting to be forced to do something you don’t want but want… I have no idea how it works either, but aren’t we incredibly lucky that it does work? Because if it didn’t work, dominant people looking for a volunteer “willing to be forced” would be out of luck. Hearing about this from submissive people is always reassuring for someone who likes to do the forcing.
Extreme fantasies, on the masochistic and sadistic side: The extreme imaginary stuff can at times frighten me too. I see sexual fantasies analogous to other kinds of fiction. Whether the purpose is arousal or just entertainment, in the fictional world we can play around to excess without doing harm. No real person suffers from my imaginary sadistic actions. No real person gets killed in the murder mysteries I read. In a broader sense I think a masochist or sadist masturbating to imaginary visions of cruelty, does not, just because it’s sexual, do anything so much different from humans in general telling stories with violent and frightening content.
I do get tired of that recurring femdom default assumption that it is the man who “talked her into it”. Which carries with it the tacit assumption that she doesn’t really get off on it, but does the weird stuff at his bidding, humouring him. Which means, the woman doesn’t do what she wants, she only does what he wants. Gone is the scary possibility of a woman acting on her own sexual lust. As in my relationship I’m the person who figured out about my kinky potential first and introduced my partner to BDSM, this default assumption can get on my nerves. There are some good introductory texts around. They would be even better if the authors took into account that the idea to try this stuff can come from either of the two.
Okay, I kind of drifted off into dream land when you started talking about the men crawling around in dirt, and the ridiculously huge manacles and chains and steel collars. I have a metal bondage fetish too and would love to see more porn of shackled guys suffering!
It was good to hear you talk about people giving themselves permission to dominate and submit as they are and want to be, and not feeling obligated to take on an imposed persona. It is a matter close to my heart too. For me the point of doing BDSM is not to have to pretend, not to have to conform, but, together with someone I trust to share with, let something come alive that is inside me.
Here’s to men daring to make themselves vulnerable. :)
Thanks Maymay and Beej!
What a wonderful comment. Thanks, Ranai.