Maymay's pursuit of life, liberty, and sexual freedom.
Beat me, hurt me, use me, torture me, but do it because you love me.
A look into the mind of a submissive and bisexual man.
This content may not be suitable for all audiences—know thyself.
« Interlude: Sex Toy Reviews (previous post)
(next post) Shalloween »
This conversation was in a completely separate context, but it strikes me as extremely poignant for this one, too.
Her: Why is it so hard for you to do something you don’t want to do?
Me: I can’t understand why it isn’t for everyone else.
Similarly, I also can’t understand why it is (so hard) for people to do the things they want.
KinkForAll San Francisco is a free sexuality unconference happening on March 21st, at the Women's Building in the Mission! Sign up for an ad-hoc unconference on sexuality for anyone and everyone. Anyone with the desire to learn in an open environment or with something to contribute is welcome and invited to participate.
Comments on Other Blogs by Maymay
Kneeling in total blackness, a naked man in a rope harness and headdress leans back and faces upwards.
I like this entrancing photograph by LarsNYC on Flickr for its obvious and overt strength. The man is holding himself up with closed fists right along with the open and vulnerable pose. That combination creates an appealing composite because it hints at some significant substance from the model himself.
One of my favorite things about this picture, though, is the total solitude in which the man is shown; there are only minimal accoutrement to indicate a possibly submissive orientation other than his pose. This is remarkable because in my eyes it highlights the fact that submission does not come about through someone else’s control. That’s mere restriction in the best case and abuse in the worst. Instead, it comes about through a submissive person’s active desire to submit.
Consensual sexual submission is not about how someone else controls me, it’s about the opportunities I create for myself to be vulnerable to another person. A desire for sexual submission itself is a valid motivation for healthy sex, despite being a desire that’s often pathologized or invalidated by cultural pressures, levied particularly harshly on men. That’s why I so strongly advocate for empowering every individual to choose exactly what they do or do not want—a power that’s required to make healthy sexual choices for one’s self, even “as a submissive.”
male:self march # 4 (via lars nyc)
Events of potential interest (back in New York City) Random bits of interest
Her: Why is it so hard for you to do something you don’t want to do?
*moves lips while reading*
Nope, I don’t get it, either.
If we *wanted* to do those things, it would be a hell of a lot easier. To do them, that is.
Sympathizing: how about this: Why is it you don’t want to do something you don’t want to do? – truth is that, in most contexts, usually HER question is not really a question. It is a smug judgmental remark. Clearer,authentic and direct it would be:”I condemn your perception, your feelings and inability to do what I want you to do. In fact, I don’t only condemn it, I loath and hate it, because it resonates with my own weaknesses which I hate, and therefore, for reminding me of my own shortcomings, I am now angry.” More or less.
Things that I don’t want to do encompass too vast a range for there to be any one answer
It is sad so many people are ashamed of what they want. Shame is about as evil as an emotion can get.
Some of us have been so inculcated with the precept to not be ‘greedy’ that it does get tough to simply state our desires. Takes lots of unlearning.
(In my copy of Firefox your comments box goes so far left that it falls under the side bar and is invisible.)
Sod -
While I see where you’re coming from, let me assure you in no uncertain terms that your interpretation of what I said is, in this case, utterly wrong. Probably because the quote is so far out of context.
Eileen –
While suspecting it was you, I made sure to generalize the context. Indeed, IN MOST CASES, USUALLY such a remark is more likely what I interpreted than anything else. I did not interpret YOU, Eileen. However, it is curios how quick you were to respond, admit it was you, and “defend” yourself… and by that, rendering the entry’s general context, into a specific one (enough said. I believe May did not mean for it any other than general. That said, I would love to see your take on the “one liners” quote- contextually general as well as specific.
If “She who must be obeyed” tells me to do it, then, wanting to please her trumps not wanting to do whatever it is.
Of course, “She” perceives and derives pleasue out of putting me in this predicament bondage and watching me sweat it out.
I do too — the part about obeying and pleasure her, that is. this pleasure, however, does not erase the resistance or difficulty. But if we’re lucky and clever, we can transform it into a degree of erotic energy one way or another.
We all are treacherous beings despite best intentions. Give yourself points for askinig such question. Makes me think — and laugh at myself, the best remedy after all.