Comments on: On kinky competence (epilogue)

By: Dov

Dov — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 02:18:02 +0000

I think that we put to much emphasis on competence in the scene with little knowledge as to what constitutes competence let alone what’s an acceptable level of competence for most implements.
Ive seen some very interesting scenes with a signal whips and even a bullwhip with someone who couldn’t throw worth a damn and seen others who could hit a dime of your shoulder with out touching you but couldn’t put a decent scene together for all their skill with a whip.

Competence of self may be the only thing worthwhile

By: QueSera

QueSera — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 14:30:52 +0000

One part of this post that struck me was about tone of voice. I think voice tone, body language, creativity with what you say and how you say it, are some of the skills and talents that make someone a superior lover, expecially a dominant, even if they have fewer skills in things like rope bondage and caning. Voice and communication are part of my professional work, so I became a student of these aspects of communication after I had been using them to make a scene a scene for some years.

Setting the tone with voice and language, in my opinion, makes all the difference in both myself and my partner getting into the deepest headspace and staying there. And that does not mean just talking dirty. It’s part of the confidence, which is part of the competence. I would think it is an essential skill for the dominant partner, and can be handy for the submissive partner as well.

Thanks for the discussion.

By: Alisa

Alisa — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 03:38:15 +0000

Apologies for commenting while in a fever induced daze, but I’ve wanted to respond to this for a while…

I wonder if maybe our generation is under more pressure to be competent because of the rampant ageism in the scene. I remember when I fist got into the scene I worked very hard on perfecting rope bondage techniques because being good at something made people take me seriously. That said, I expect competence of all my partners regardless of age, or role; and most of all emotional competence. When you play with fire you have to be ready to take responsibility for getting burned on occasion.

By: maymay

maymay — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 17:24:47 +0000

Hey Laina, thanks for leaving me a note. :) For the record, I think you and your gang are totally awesome, too, not to mention obviously really smart and very sexy! I hope your group doesn’t die and, as I mentioned, I’d be happy to help out in whatever way I can.

By: Laina

Laina — Sun, 11 Nov 2007 16:05:03 +0000

Hey! Wanted to let you know that I read this thing
(I think all of you New York kids are totally awesome, and am hoping that our groups can communicate in one way or another (assuming that ours doesn’t die))

By: Juliet

Juliet — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 20:23:41 +0000

I have seen so many people use a flogger while not even looking at the person’s back they are flogging.

And once again: what the blithering fuck? How can anyone do this? This doesn’t strike me so much as SM competence as HAVING A FUCKING BRAIN. Ahem. Anyway.

I think I probably see the competence of Eileen’s that you describe – the being able to sort things out if they go wrong – as the fundamental thing. Possibly because I see that awareness and ability as indicative of paying attention to what’s going on – and that is what I think makes someone able to work at their competence and skill.

Everyone screws up from time to time; it’s picking up afterwards that matters. (As someone I know said recently: ‘oops, sorry’ is an important phrase sometimes when you’re a top – and specifically, being able to say that without slamming all the brakes on :-) )

My view on this may be skewed from playing with at least one person with decent physical competence but occasionally appalling emotional competence.

By: Sod

Sod — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 15:24:00 +0000

Competence evolves. You may view your level today as inferior to your level tomorrow. what is constant is your ever-present option to choose to remember that. That is awareness.

By: maymay

maymay — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 18:52:26 +0000

Okay, if I had read this before commenting to your last entry, I’d have saved us both the trouble.

I don’t think your last comment was any trouble at all.

By: Calico

Calico — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 17:37:06 +0000

Okay, if I had read this before commenting to your last entry, I’d have saved us both the trouble. I agree: competence /= skill.

By: maymay

maymay — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 16:08:09 +0000

Take your own advice!

I do on the good days.