For me solitude has a few distinct modes:

The bliss of quietude and lack of distractions.
The soaring sense of being alone on my mountain peak surveying the world (adolescent arrogance).
Sometimes now that I have no lover: bitter futility.

I abandoned my family so long ago it is hard at times to grasp how important blood relations are to most people.

I’m considerably older than you so it would be a grave failing on my part were I still coping with some of what troubles you. Though it may be a matter of being hardened and habituated, not more ‘mature.’ The idea of wanting a social space seems alien to me.

Warmest wishes to you in finding what you need at this part of the year. I will opt for fried chicken and 1930s movies for myself.

Sort of reminds me of the old joke:
A young man is with his new bride on their wedding night, when she tosses back her dress and says “I’m a virgin, and I’ve been saving myself for this night.”

He panics and runs home, where his Pa asks him to explain the problem.

“A virgin, eh? Well, you did right, son, leaving her there,” Pa tells him, “‘cuz if she ain’t good enough for her own kinfolk, then she shore ain’t good enough for you.”