Comments on: Unwelcome: The Emotional Effects of Social Injustice

By: Help me check BDSM’s privilege at the next KinkForAll unconference « Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 09:14:37 +0000

[...] woman AND that I can’t be anything other than a typical, dominant male. This is similar to how angry I was at my ex-partner’s dad when I learned that he faulted me for corrupting her in…. It’s why I rage against statements from academics like Robin Morgan’s that insist male [...]

By: On Being Bondage Furniture « Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed

On Being Bondage Furniture « Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 05:59:06 +0000

[...] Nevertheless, sometimes I see their faces when I least want to; Cookie’s, C’s, countless other women I’d seen bottom, their partners’, the privileged shits, like Cookie’s dom, who thinks I’m “like an annoying five year old” asking too many questions. They were there, all of them, a composite in ghoulish form with that sick, molting flesh and that mean smile on the bondage chair that the PLA Dungeon Crew were moving in front of me: “Displays of privilege unshared are forever painful to the underprivileged.” [...]

By: Nico

Nico — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 06:24:52 +0000

(whoops, the last comment I made was for a different post. Sorry! ^_^;)

I gotta say your point about dismissive sounding like, “We won’t make any effort to meet your needs here,” sounds like a lot of what I go through with my blood relatives back east. That’s a good way of putting it, and I wish I’d come across it sooner.

As far as places not feeling welcoming… What sorts of things can people do to remedy this? I feel that way myself a lot of the time; I hope that those of us who feel that way offering suggestions can change that.

By: Nico

Nico — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 05:38:58 +0000

I’ve had similar feelings in the past; feeling left out or like a third string, even amongst folks I’d originally introduced to each other or helped hook up. The whole post makes me want to offer to play or give you a hug. Or both.

By: Story of How to Improve the Future: Always Hate The Status Quo « Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed

Thu, 19 May 2011 16:50:20 +0000

[...] Resentment: How dare the BDSM community fail me so spectacularly! How dare they perpetuate this rank failure of acceptance for submissive men like Ken and I? It’s not fair that I have to deal with this, that the daily reminders pile up, invading and ultimately destroying my own relationships! [...]

By: maymay

maymay — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 07:35:00 +0000

Thanks, Richard; I could use some chicken soup. I am also feeling somewhat ill, which doesn’t make any of this feel much better.

By: Richard

Richard — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 18:56:15 +0000

I’m a loner’s loner: my need for human companionship is pretty slim.

For me solitude has a few distinct modes:

The bliss of quietude and lack of distractions.
The soaring sense of being alone on my mountain peak surveying the world (adolescent arrogance).
Sometimes now that I have no lover: bitter futility.

I abandoned my family so long ago it is hard at times to grasp how important blood relations are to most people.

I’m considerably older than you so it would be a grave failing on my part were I still coping with some of what troubles you. Though it may be a matter of being hardened and habituated, not more ‘mature.’ The idea of wanting a social space seems alien to me.

Warmest wishes to you in finding what you need at this part of the year. I will opt for fried chicken and 1930s movies for myself.

By: Tom Allen

Tom Allen — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 14:21:45 +0000

If you’re not “good for” them, then you feel judged, the thing about you that is not good enough feels as though it is stigmatized, and you feel unwelcome in that person’s presence.

Sort of reminds me of the old joke:
A young man is with his new bride on their wedding night, when she tosses back her dress and says “I’m a virgin, and I’ve been saving myself for this night.”

He panics and runs home, where his Pa asks him to explain the problem.

“A virgin, eh? Well, you did right, son, leaving her there,” Pa tells him, “‘cuz if she ain’t good enough for her own kinfolk, then she shore ain’t good enough for you.”