Comments on: One, sir: On Titles in Scenes

By: Story of How to Improve the Future: Always Hate The Status Quo « Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed

Thu, 19 May 2011 16:59:51 +0000

[...] I became disgruntled with The Scene and eventually left for a year or so in 2004. By the time I returned in 2005 (to be a demo bottom for a singletail presentation), I was pleased to discover that Conversio Virium had continued and, indeed, that it had grown [...]

By: janeyruth

janeyruth — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 06:42:42 +0000

“toppiest bottom” I love that!

http://janeyruthsscreenplays.blogspot.com/

By: sod

sod — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 12:12:24 +0000

Bon Voyage. Love

By: Mirehn

Mirehn — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 22:28:24 +0000

Indeed, you are quite correct, I didn’t intend to imply otherwise. It is an extension of what you so aptly remarked upon, when talking about the Dom who accosted you and Rona a little while back. Merely because someone calls themselves/is dominant they deserve no extra respect, overt or otherwise (and by extension someone who calls themselves/is submissive deserves no less respect, overt or otherwise), whether it be respect by word (like with titles) or by deed. I am very glad we agree on this issue!

By: maymay

maymay — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 10:09:17 +0000

Mirehn, there’s nothing I disagree with in your comment. I’d only add that submissives don’t need to show respect to dominants by virtue of their submission and the other’s dominance. In fact, overt respect and deference is something I never show to dominants who haven’t earned it from me, and I don’t see anything wrong with that. Dominants are just people, and just like the elderly, they don’t deserve any additional respect just because of who they are.

By: Mirehn

Mirehn — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 20:42:40 +0000

“One reason I don’t like titles is because they are so inexorably linked with many people’s ideas of respect. Titles are not an intrinsic expression of respect, they’re simply one way to show it. Everyone can (and should) show respect to your bottom as well as your top regardless of what titles you use to address them.

I don’t like that so many people think titles equals respect, because they don’t.”

Titles do not equal respect, however they do denote it. Just like asking someone’s permission denotes respect. A Dom (although they may and should have the greatest respect for their Sub) often does not show it during a scene, or at least through traditional means. They don’t ask permission, they act aggressively and, well, dominating-ly, and use diminutive titles (“slave” for example). Now they might show respect in other ways, especially if this is a relationship rather than just a scene, however those overt methods are often not used. A Sub does ask permission, acts subdued and obedient, and uses titles such as “Sir”, or “Ma’am”, which denote a certain overt respect, and deference.

Note this is not the only way by any means to practice D/s, but it is a valid one; and one in which the title still leaves both parties as themselves, and does not preclude mutual respect and care between the two individuals.

By: maymay

maymay — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 22:36:38 +0000

This does not turn me into someone I’m not, more just denote respect of varying levels (from sir to master, for example).

One reason I don't like titles is because they are so inexorably linked with many people's ideas of respect. Titles are not an intrinsic expression of respect, they're simply one way to show it. Everyone can (and should) show respect to your bottom as well as your top regardless of what titles you use to address them. I don't like that so many people think titles equals respect, because they don't.

Also, I note that recently you have talked about role-playing, the time when you were chained in the bath springs to mind, in which you seemed to enjoy reveling in the fantasy. Has your opinion changed since the blog post you have referenced?

This post was from April 2005, so it was written very long ago. Also, for me, role-playing is very distinct from just playing, and most of the time when I'm in scene or submitting to someone, I am not role-playing, so titles feels fake and role-playing-like and I don't like that. That said, if I am role-playing, titles can be a lot of fun.

By: axe

axe — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 22:35:25 +0000

Interesting stuff as always.

For me, It’s something very hard to put my finger on. If I play with someone and they feed off my using a title, I can tell and it does make me feel more submissive if I actually mean it when I say it. If someone is playing with me and just uses it to use it (and not as a tool) then it feels less meaningful.

I getcha.

Hope we have a chance to hang before you head out of town.

By: Mirehn

Mirehn — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 10:17:57 +0000

I find it interesting how far our respective views of the purpose of titles differ. To my mind, whether I am domming or subbing, I tend to use/demand titles. This does not turn me into someone I’m not, more just denote respect of varying levels (from sir to master, for example). It reminds both parties constantly of the dynamic, and makes everything seem like an expression of power-play when those words are used. When I am domming I often increase this effect hypnotically, there is nothing that puts someone into a subby head space better than feeling waves of submissive pleasure and thoughts whenever they address their dom in a term of respect.

Also, I note that recently you have talked about role-playing, the time when you were chained in the bath springs to mind, in which you seemed to enjoy reveling in the fantasy. Has your opinion changed since the blog post you have referenced?