Comments on: Equating passivity with sexual submissiveness is a stupid mistake

By: Orgasm Denial Does Not Submissive Men Make « Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed

Orgasm Denial Does Not Submissive Men Make « Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 03:43:34 +0000

[...] is mere restriction in the best case, and abuse in the worst case—it comes about through our active desire to submit. Consensual submission is not about how someone else controls me, it’s about the [...]

By: This, exactly this! « Kink in exile

This, exactly this! « Kink in exile — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 06:53:24 +0000

[...] why I wanted to see more skills classes aimed at bottoms beyond Pain Processing 101 when I found this post by maymay from 2008 in which he [...]

By: DelvingintoDeviance

DelvingintoDeviance — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 15:19:49 +0000

This is interesting. I’d never thought of it in those terms, but my boyfriend pushes me too. Reminds me sometimes that I can be more sadistic with him if I want, asks me if I’d like to do x, y, or z to him even if he’s not particularly interested in x, y, or z. I like it. It’s resulted in some hot moments.

By: “Good boy,” and other kinds of complicated sex « Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed

Thu, 31 Mar 2011 19:55:25 +0000

[...] community talks about this (i.e., its discourse) typically fails to acknowledge or delegitimizes situations in which bottoms have power and tops do not (regardless of whether or not they also have [...]

By: Kink On Tap » Blog Archive » Kink On Tap 70: Playing on the Edge

Kink On Tap » Blog Archive » Kink On Tap 70: Playing on the Edge — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 19:07:17 +0000

[...] personal and sentimental meaning to me not only because it articulates in academic language much of what I’ve been experiencing in my time as a part of numerous BDSM communities, but also because Staci is a personal friend. Her [...]

By: Favorite HNT of 2008 | Kink Unleashed

Favorite HNT of 2008 | Kink Unleashed — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 17:58:54 +0000

[...] tonight, we were talking about pushing limits. I paraphrased what maymay wrote [...]

By: K&S

K&S — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 07:48:25 +0000

Hi again.
I was once again looking for developments on the orgasm logger. Any chance we can have it for Christmas?

By: Exposure (HNT) | Kink Unleashed

Exposure (HNT) | Kink Unleashed — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 02:08:22 +0000

[...] tonight, we were talking about pushing limits. I paraphrased what maymay wrote [...]

By: lalouve

lalouve — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 22:33:22 +0000

That makes perfect sense, and I think it also is the kind of thing that works for me. I respond very well to polite offers, and my love is very good at doing that just right – he is a switch and finds it relatively easy to put himself in my place. And I agree; things have to go places or they become stale.

Incidentally, I bottom but do not sub – an aggressive reaction to being pushed combined with serious martial arts training is not good news, so even where I more inclined to submission I think it would be too dangerous.

By: maymay

maymay — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 12:55:24 +0000

@lalouve:

I don’t like being pushed – coming from a background of not having my boundaries respected, being pushed can trigger violence.

[…]

[T]he mere discovery of my dominant side, and the desire to give myself and my submissive pleasure in new interesting ways, pushes me all on its own. I think if I stop developing and stop examining my boundaries, gently testing them on my own, I will need pushing.

If I were to go out on a lark and imagine what it would be like to bottom to someone who came from a background of not having their limits respected, I would say that the way I would push that top would be to support them in pushing themselves, rather than doing so directly. In a word, I would offer myself rather than give of myself, if that makes sense. In all cases, the important thing is to keep moving forward, rather than to let oneself or one’s partner stagnate endlessly.