i cannot locate the 8 things dominate women want…the link does not let me open it…help

Try again, Larry. The original URL changed, so I’ve updated the link in the post above.

THX

I’ve played D/s online (many years ago) and went through the time it was still new to the time when it become bland and dull. It only became dull because I was getting bored, it had no meaning to me. I felt I did not need to be a part of it at all, my presence was not really necessary. Any blow up doll could have taken my place as I was not personally involved in the fantasy/ play the submissive expected.

Anyway, replying back to you after you left this link on my post at Sex Kitten.net: Being a Domme Alone

I just have to ask this: is it a fantasy or a reality for you? Are you submissive, or are you playing out being submissive? I personally hate the word “fantasy” or “play”. Maybe I’m different…

I don’t understand your question LittleO-O; fantasy exists within the bounds of reality, not the other way around as is so often purported. It’s possible you may find that my post, “Your fantasy is not reality and you should know better” contains the answer you’re looking for.

But I would think anyone with half wit would know that.

I also must comment: as I read this, I have a feeling you are talking about some insecure women who use dominance to fuel their security. Some stuff you are saying is so basic to me, which makes me wonder why even talk about it. Like “you are confident and independent” – well, hell yeah! What other way can you be dominant?

Your comment makes it so painfully evident to me that we have had different experiences that I cannot help but remark on the ignorance of such a fact evinced by saying things like “…so basic to me, which makes me wonder why even talk about it.” One may say the same thing today to flat-Earth theory proponents, who are rightfully brushed off, but this was certainly not the case in Galileo’s day. If it were the case today, in the year 2011, that “anyone with half wit would know” that of which I speak in this post, I would be a much happier man.

I’m heartened that your reaction is as simple as “duh.” I hope, too, that you recognize the fact that this is not the case for many, many others, particularly women. For if you do not, I’m afraid it is not I who is living in a fantasy, but you.

Maybe it is your words that I find confusing, but my first reaction is: you are in a relationship with me and you submit to me sexually, then fuck yeah I’m entitled to your submission! […] As far as I am concerned, in “sexual” I’m dominant, in “non-sexual” we are equal, and I’ll tell you clearly when we are in one or the other. Question is: can you switch between the two and stand up to me when needed?

Respectfully, no, you will not tell me when we are in one or the other, you will tell me when you are and you will ask me if I would like to collaborate with your experience by embodying the complementary role. When you presume entitlement you negate the collaboration necessary for consensual experience, and that is not fun for me. You are not entitled to my submission regardless of your dominance.

Perhaps, as you state, it is a matter of confusion over words, in which case I would urge you to strongly reevaluate your understanding of the words you employ. “Entitled” means “qualified for by right according to law,” and judging from your interest in seeing someone “stand up to [you] when needed,” it seems clear you do not actually believe you are qualified for (sexual or other) dominion over another person by any right according to any law you understand as just. Therefore, I do not think that word means what you think it means.

In general, I agree with what you are saying, but it rubbed me the wrong way enough to take the trouble to comment.

Likewise. :)

I agree with you on the equality, last thing I want is a doormat. But I would think anyone with half wit would know that.

I also must comment: as I read this, I have a feeling you are talking about some insecure women who use dominance to fuel their security. Some stuff you are saying is so basic to me, which makes me wonder why even talk about it. Like “you are confident and independent” – well, hell yeah! What other way can you be dominant?

You say “In reality, you do not consider yourself entitled to my submission or acts thereof. In fantasy and play, however, you are not afraid of asserting such behavior.” Maybe it is your words that I find confusing, but my first reaction is: you are in a relationship with me and you submit to me sexually, then fuck yeah I’m entitled to your submission! Maybe this goes back to my hate of ‘fantasy’ and ‘reality’ as you call it. It’s all reality to me – I make the distinction as “sexual” or “non-sexual” situation. As far as I am concerned, in “sexual” I’m dominant, in “non-sexual” we are equal, and I’ll tell you clearly when we are in one or the other. Question is: can you switch between the two and stand up to me when needed?

In general, I agree with what you are saying, but it rubbed me the wrong way enough to take the trouble to comment.

But, since I like to end on a good note, I’ll say I like this a lot (you wrote): “You reject the notion that my sexual submission negates the validity of my opinions and beliefs. You know that dominance does not equal superiority, and therefore you are willing and able to reexamine aspects of yourself.” Always.