Comments on: There Is No BDSM Mecca

By: Byrdie

Byrdie — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 08:27:54 +0000

This post reminded me to go digging for my copy of Van Darkholme’s “Male Bondage”. It’s not a how-to book, but with my other references I’m sure that I could figure out how most of the work was done.

Well, that and it’s freakin’ hot.

Given that I’ve only ever tried to practice rope on men, I’m not sure if women would be more fun. Both can be squishy, muscular, or bony. Seems to be that a lot of the same issues apply based on body type with a few adjustments for plumbing if one wants to do something specific with genitalia. Or maybe I’m just simplifying everything.

By: My unreal experience on the Kink, Inc. Armory Tour « Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed

Tue, 03 May 2011 01:33:00 +0000

[...] is an unparalleled ignorance among key decision makers at the highest levels of Kink, Inc., and this ignorance is dumped like sewage on the inlets of the mainstream and of the BDSM community. The Upper Floor, with its “good digs, free booze, and snacks with no cover” is perhaps [...]

By: FetLife Considered Harmful: The Risks of Sex Ghettoization – KinkForAll Providence 2 « Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed

Sun, 20 Mar 2011 22:39:05 +0000

[...] I am tired of their frequent, yet understandable spin doctoring. However, rather than discuss any pain this “community” inflicts from a personal perspective, since this talk was ultimately directed at wide swaths of the [...]

By: Janelle F

Janelle F — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 06:34:38 +0000

Your self-awareness of much of the unpleasantness coming from within is important. I understand that feeling and those predispositions. Perhaps just be yourself and don’t try to squeeze into ill-fitting molds. By being you, you just may attract like-minded folks. I think much of what holds us back is fear.

Great post. Very honest and personal. I appreciate that :)

By: It’s foggy today: how BDSM and sex can be emotional self-medication in a cruel world « Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed

Fri, 11 Mar 2011 04:03:37 +0000

[...] In one sense, San Francisco is a fitting place to make my residence. When I walk its hills I (literally) can’t foresee what I’ll encounter at a peak; a street fight, an emergency vehicle, or a gorgeous vista all seem equally likely. When it is foggy, this sense of uncertainty is even more pronounced. But in another sense, San Francisco has been predictably cruel. [...]

By: Why self-harm has nothing to do with BDSM « Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed

Why self-harm has nothing to do with BDSM « Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 06:37:22 +0000

[...] The issue with both the question—and the answers others were giving—was the failure to acknowledge the necessarily collaborative nature of BDSM play. This was a point I made on the panel, although perhaps not as clearly as I could have. “A top requires a bottom, and a bottom needs a top to play with,” I said. Another panelist, Lola Sunshine, immediately took issue with my statement by offering the facile and contrarian assertion that “you can totally do BDSM on your own.” She then offered numerous examples of things she thinks is “BDSM on your own” such as self-suspension. [...]

By: What porn companies can learn from the Giffords shooting « Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed

Thu, 13 Jan 2011 11:25:02 +0000

[...] because they were raped. And for my own pain, which hardly pales in comparison, I’ve written at some length how unabashed sexism negatively affects sexually submissive men, and I will be [...]

By: Community? Fuck the community. This isn’t for them, anyway. « Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed

Sat, 27 Nov 2010 12:34:11 +0000

[...] I don’t think very highly of “the community.” Or perhaps more precisely, of “The Scene.” I think it’s [...]

By: I am no Hercules « Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed

I am no Hercules « Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 08:27:48 +0000

[...] used (be they parties, or dressing up in fetish wear, or whatever) often felt just as alienating and often just as downright fucking sexist and classist and exclusionary as what they said they [...]

By: maymay

maymay — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 20:34:37 +0000

@Nameless: Yeah, I think I can relate to where you're coming from. Being "good" at being in social situations is a learned skill. It didn't come naturally to me; I had to learn it myself, and I'm still learning how to do a lot of it, because there's so little in the mainstream that prepares people for doing this. There's even fewer role models to look up to when you happen to be a submissively-inclined man. @Lex: When I was a teenager, I had similar delusions that the BDSM "scene" would be a place of paradise. Sadly, this delusion was replaced with some of the most emotionally painful experiences of my life that, to this day, make me cry if I think about them too much. It was quite a shock to the teenage-me, and I wish I could go back in time and warn myself of what was happening. Maybe one day I'll even write about those experiences on this blog or elsewhere. I actually have several draft posts that have remained drafts for almost 4 years because I just can't bring myself to complete them. I'm not exaggerating; it hurts that much. Anyway, you asked:

Are you going to continue testing the waters? If so, do you mind if I follow your adventures, as my opposite-sex* mineshaft canary?

Of course I will. I'm uncertain how much more time I'll be spending at the Citadel, but of course you're welcome to follow my (mis-)"adventures". Why would I write a public blog if I didn't want the company? :)

*which, hey, not the same as gender, and uh-oh — how much pig-ignorance of that kind of thing am I about to take a faceplant into, I wonder?

Um…a lot, sadly. I can't give you the first-hand accounts of things young women have experienced, but there are a number of great bloggers who can. Good luck.