Comments on: On Youth, Sexuality, Education, and Your Fears

By: YoungPerson

YoungPerson — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 23:16:06 +0000

I know this comment is waaay late, but I’ve just discovered your blog and I simply had to comment. Maybe I should write this in a more personal correspondence, but this post seemed so relevant I feel I have to comment on this specific one-
I’m 16. In the UK, so legal, not that it should matter. I’m not ashamed to admit I’m a virgin – and the fact I feel the need to prefix that sentence with ‘I’m not ashamed’ is ridiculous (but that’s an entirely different issue). I’m still exploring my own sexuality, but I’ve always felt slightly isolated from others when it comes to relationships and sex – I don’t have a pressing urge to indulge in anything, but I have a fascination with sexuality and orientation. I’ve always been intrigued by the role of power in particular, not just in a sexual context: I like dark books, theatre and TV where there is any element of dominance, submission and fear – although it usually manifests itself as something more twisted to create an interesting story. The point is, my only access to any form of sexual ‘education’ if you will (apart from the ‘basics’ from school sex ed) was internet pornography. Even as a young teenager, I found mainstream porn too fake and soon discovered that it wasn’t seeing naked flesh that turned me on, but the reactions of a person when they are genuinely experiencing sexual pleasure – how people give themselves over to their sensations, and have little or no choice but to submit to their own pleasure.

… Basically, in a round-about way, I just want to thank you. Thank you for allowing me to discover and learn about sexuality without scouring the internet in the vein hope of finding intelligent and informative text that isn’t just ‘LOOK! WE HAVE PORN!’. I do have friends who I discuss sex and sexuality with, but the things I’m interested in – the real-life exploration of kink in an environment where it is the norm – would probably squick them. Especially coming from the ‘innocent’ one who’s never had a proper partner.

By: Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed › On Talking to Children and Adolescents about BDSM and Sex

Sun, 31 Jan 2010 20:47:05 +0000

[...] email asking for further discussion about my two most recent posts regarding youth sexuality (On Youth, Sexuality, Education, and Your Fears and Sexual Adultism). In fact, I’ve received more than one, but this latest email was [...]

By: Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed › My impressions on the new “sex-positive social network” Blackbox Republic

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 05:06:10 +0000

[...] Social media. Internet publishing. Privacy. Three phrases that have seemed to be at tenacious odds with each other in a multitude of subtle and not-so-subtle ways. For people like me, who have progressive views about sexuality, these three things are constantly on our minds. How do we participate in the online revolution without being forced to “come out” about every sex act we enjoy, some of which are still illegal thanks to draconian restrictions on sexual freedom, even (and especially?) in America. [...]

By: maymay

maymay — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 01:15:48 +0000

@FamiliarFoxglove: Your story reminds me of an excruciatingly sad news story I saw recently: 13 year old Hope Witsell committed suicide because bullies at school distributed naked pictures of her to classmates. The media, many parents, and schools are all blaming "sexting," even though respected sexologists say the root cause of the issue is a sex-negative culture and lack of sex education that encourages such bullying. I'm hugely disappointed at the response of school administrators and the fear-mongering that many media outlets are turning the story into, because it contributes to exactly the kind of sexual paranoia I discuss in this post and which prevents people from having the resources to stick up for themselves that you, and the late Hope Witsell, clearly needed. In response to the news story, I started a wiki page on the (young) Sex Positive Resources Wiki to document the dangers of a sex-negative culture. Since it's a wiki, you can edit every page on the site, so if you want to help, I would greatly appreciate your contributions.

By: FamiliarFoxglove

FamiliarFoxglove — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 17:54:22 +0000

It makes me happy to see other people concerned about adultism and what it forces children through. I’m 26 and pretty much just beginning to REALLY face things done to me as a kid. There was an indefinite time period in kindergarten when a group of older boys would hold me down and do whatever they felt like to me behind a dumpster at school. I knew bad things were happening, but had no education or vocabulary to say EXACTLY what had happened. So when I tried to stick up for myself, I was told “nobody likes a tattletale.” The one time a teacher listened, it was simply a case of, “Now say you’re sorry and say one nice thing” on the part of the boys. There were so many bitter, sexually-negative taunts flying around on the playground, and NOBODY in a position to help DID ANYTHING. When I think about it, I feel like I go right back to being six, panicking and getting reprimanded for being too “emotionally sensitive,” because I know that no matter what anyone does to me, I will not receive any help. I am at least glad that I am no longer so medicated and withdrawn that I can’t recover from this, but it still hurts just as much, and I still have a lot of work to do. I hate hate hate to see children put at this kind of disadvantage, and I need to help curtail it because it makes me crazy(ier) to just watch it happen and sit back like another fat ‘n happy adult.

By: Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed › Sexual Adultism at KinkForAll Washington DC

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 01:42:25 +0000

[...] of carelessly risking getting everyone involved registered as sex offenders. The amount of backlash coming from the alternative sexuality communities—groups of people who are supposedly sexually progressive—to the idea of being available to [...]

By: Mrs. Basement

Mrs. Basement — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 01:47:36 +0000

You make me wish I was in DC!

By: Ily

Ily — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 19:07:21 +0000

Guess I have fests on the brain! ;-)

By: maymay

maymay — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 01:39:39 +0000

Yes- it was the “thwarters” I was referring to. I’ll post the Kinkfest information on AVEN– it would get a large audience there. I think some AVENites participated in an event like this in the past, so maybe there will be some new interest.

Thank you so much for spreading the word to the asexuality community, Ily. As I’ve said before, I’m constantly inspired by the thought-provoking ideas I see coming from discussions about asexuality that AVEN and other sites like your blog produce. I think it would be extremely rewarding for everyone who participates in a KinkForAll unconference for members of the asexuality community to take part in it as well. So thank you for all of that!

To be clear, though, the event is not called “Kinkfest,” it’s called “KinkForAll.” That’s important because there are several other “fests” that are extremely different from what a KinkForAll is, and I’d like to be sure people don’t get confused. :)

By: Ily

Ily — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 01:06:35 +0000

Yes- it was the “thwarters” I was referring to. I’ll post the Kinkfest information on AVEN– it would get a large audience there. I think some AVENites participated in an event like this in the past, so maybe there will be some new interest.