The binary consent models only consider two-thirds of the scope of an interaction that involves a withdrawing of consent: everything that leads up to the breach, and the breach. They posit that these are the only determinants of “was it rape?”, not anything that happens afterward. My partner was terrified they’d assaulted me, but everything that makes the difference between an accident and an assault happened *after* the incident itself. What we did afterward made it an accident—and, in the long run, actually kind of a fortuitous one, given what we’ve learned from it.

Part of a comment by Meredith on my essay, “You Can Take It Back: Consent as a Felt Sense

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