Comments for Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed

Comment on From Triads to Triadic Relationships: Polyamory’s superpower is not what you think – Atlanta Poly Weekend 2012 Opening Keynote by SnowdropExplodes

SnowdropExplodes — Fri, 18 May 2012 00:29:39 +0000

@ maymay and Semiel – You’re welcome, I’m glad it seems to have helped. I treated it as an example of recognising the Venkatesh Rao 7-step “trying to fix things” sort of problem – I encountered a similar concept in reading Susan Blackmore’s interview with Daniel Dennett (in her book “Conversations on Consciousness”), and nowadays try to remember that if something sounds unintelligible or “crazy” then it’s probably a failure of my understanding, not the core concept that someone is conveying (as Dennett says, “No one likes to think their best [effort at understanding something] isn’t good enough.”)

Comment on From Triads to Triadic Relationships: Polyamory’s superpower is not what you think – Atlanta Poly Weekend 2012 Opening Keynote by Semiel

Semiel — Thu, 17 May 2012 11:44:59 +0000

Of course, no worries! You don’t owe me anything. And SnowdropExplodes’ post does help a bit. I’ll just have to keep thinking about it. :)

Thanks for your time!

Comment on From Triads to Triadic Relationships: Polyamory’s superpower is not what you think – Atlanta Poly Weekend 2012 Opening Keynote by maymay

maymay — Thu, 17 May 2012 07:35:48 +0000

SnowdropExplodes, that was a fantastic interpolation of my meaning. Thank you. Semiel, I really have zero energy or interest in answering your questions, and please understand it's nothing personal. I hope SnowdropExplodes's comment gives you the insight you seem to be after.

Comment on From Triads to Triadic Relationships: Polyamory’s superpower is not what you think – Atlanta Poly Weekend 2012 Opening Keynote by SnowdropExplodes

SnowdropExplodes — Thu, 17 May 2012 06:29:09 +0000

Oh, there was one other thought I had, relating to relationships as performance: sometimes, the relationship pre-exists the term applied to it, and the choice of term is like a “best fit line” rather than a prescription: it is simply the word that most closely describes what actually goes on in the relationship. (Rather like the way I describe myself as a man – I feel my relationship with “masculinity” is far too complex for that to be accurate in social terms, but it is the best one-word description available to me.)

It also occurs to me that relationships tend to have multiple channels, so that different types of intimacy can exist one after the other or at the same time – making a dyad possibly not a single line but several different lines.

Comment on From Triads to Triadic Relationships: Polyamory’s superpower is not what you think – Atlanta Poly Weekend 2012 Opening Keynote by SnowdropExplodes

SnowdropExplodes — Thu, 17 May 2012 06:16:39 +0000

I found this post to be very intriguing, and it’s curious that I have in some ways found the “relating to a relationship” and “relationships as drag” points by my own fumbling efforts.

As a BDSMer, I was also struck by the violence of the language used (but, hey, the post itself explains the reason for using violence, no?) But Thomas’ posts (such as the Domism one, and his current series “There’s A War On”) highlight exactly the sort of visible/invisible problems that exist in the structured Scene – again, the concepts discussed in the OP. While the negotiated D/s relationship involves multiple layers of dominance and submission going in both directions in a D/s dyad (e.g. when I top in a Dom role for a partner, I am also submitting to hir by virtue of answering hir need communicated to me), the fact that in the Scene as a whole, power relationships are obscured – wilfully so, it seems – makes it stand out as “unrepentant” and “evil”. I’ve seen it – perhaps more clearly because I only interact with the Scene tangentially, having relationships (of different varieties) with folks who are in it – a “vee” between myself, that person, and the Scene, with that person as the apex.

Destroying the BDSM Scene is not the same as destroying BDSM, and I’m guessing the hope is that better relationships between people with shared interests/sexualities of a BDSM nature would be the ideal consequence of this destruction. It is the same as “Smash the Kyriarchy”. BDSM is not evil, and the people who do BDSM things are not evil – but the Scene and its norms and its tendency to perpetuate them do match the pattern of Evil.

Comment on Because Submissive is an Orientation by BDSM Orientation and ways of loving « lipstickandligature

BDSM Orientation and ways of loving « lipstickandligature — Wed, 16 May 2012 21:37:06 +0000

[...] I can say for certain is this: many people feel that their kinky sexuality is an integral part of their personality which needs to be expressed in order to for them to feel happy. Many people see BDSM as a means of [...]

Comment on On Being Bondage Furniture by Kose

Kose — Tue, 15 May 2012 19:40:11 +0000

“the idea of a submissive man being undesirable is, to me, so unintelligible. the idea of a submissive man considered undesirable [because he is submissive] is appalling to me, it almost makes me nauseous.”

It’s unintelligible to me as well. I wish there were more submissive men out there.

Comment on From Triads to Triadic Relationships: Polyamory’s superpower is not what you think – Atlanta Poly Weekend 2012 Opening Keynote by Care & Feeding; my wife-in-law « Kink in exile

Care & Feeding; my wife-in-law « Kink in exile — Mon, 14 May 2012 05:03:01 +0000

[...] his Atlanta Poly Weekend keynote, Maymay railed on the institution of metamours and the idea that two people are obliged to be [...]

Comment on Raging Chrysalis: The End of the Mute Submissive Masculine by Sabrina Morgan

Sabrina Morgan — Fri, 11 May 2012 17:34:26 +0000

I thanked him. And hugged him.

And it looks like we’ll be in SF at the same time this June. I’ll be in town for OpenSF and a few days after – if you’re up for it, I’d love to buy you some coffee and chat in a high-bandwidth environment. :)

Comment on Young people into BDSM are not exceptional by Eva Ardenson

Eva Ardenson — Thu, 10 May 2012 04:57:19 +0000

Hey! I appreciate this article very much. It finally shows that SOMEONE can understand that minors can understand adult-centered topics. I am 16 and submissive and I have been castigated and bullied for it for a very long time. I have also been told over and over again that I am either “delusional” or “not ready” to decipher where I stand with the whole issue of Kink in general. I also think that it s very true that age does not decipher the amount of life experience that you’ve had. When I was 7, my mother caught a fatal illness and almost died. She also became paralyzed from the waist down for many years. I was put in charge of not only so much of the household but also the emotional burden that this experience would put on a seven year old. When I was 9, my entire family separated and I was not allowed to see any member of my family except for my mother. I have not seen their faces to this day. When I was 11, I became morbidly obese. I was bullied and teased until I tried to commit suicide. In that year, I tried to commit suicide seven times. I lost the weight. I lost 123lbs. I went from 238lbs to 115lbs in only one year. And with this newfound slimness, I gained friends. After that, things got better. I’ve known that I’ve been submissive since I was very young. I remember the first signs of it coming up when I was 4. I discovered what I was called and more about it when I was 11. I am proud to say that I am submissive. Since I am female, I also get harassed by many radical feminists who consider me “weak” or “brainwashed”. I don’t care if one thinks that I don’t have life experience. I know that I do. I’m not going to try to get myself into the BDSM community at this point in my life for it is not only unsafe for a 16 year old but also could get some fellow Kinksters in trouble with the law. Although, I would like to find a Dom who is my age who I could be in a long-term relationship with. I would like to find a Dom who would truly love me as well as satisfy the desires that I do have. I am so glad that you wrote this article. This article advocates for me and my desire. It advocated for every Kinky teen who wants somebody to stand up for their desires. Thank you for daring to write this beautiful article. You are amazing.