“[W]hile the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn’t there? Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once [...]
Archive for the ‘Beginner BDSM’ Category
Never, ever assume you need permission from a dominant person to speak to a submissive person
16 Jul 2012 at 15:20
maymay
Beginner BDSM, D/s dynamics, Myths and misconceptions, Politics of sex, Rant, Stupid dominants, Stupid submissives
This one’s easy and yet the difficulty with which most people who participate in the BDSM Scene get this wrong speaks volumes about their ignorance and complicity in oppression culture. So easy, this whole post could’ve just been the title: Never, ever assume you need permission from a dominant person to speak to a submissive [...]
“Good boy,” and other kinds of complicated sex
31 Mar 2011 at 12:54
maymay
BDSM psychology, BDSM terminology, Beginner BDSM, D/s dynamics, Politics of sex, Sexism
Imagine my pleasant surprise when my Internet radar picked up a great post by a thoughtful new feminist BDSM blogger. FeministSub has a thing or two (or three) to say about the phrase “good girl” worth pointing out: “Good girl.” I don’t think there’s anything that captures my mixed feelings about submission like that phrase. [...]
Why self-harm has nothing to do with BDSM
Of the many questions that often come up when discussing BDSM are questions concerning the distinction between consensual sadomasochism and self-harm, or self-mutilation. This is not surprising because, from the perspective of an onlooker and especially when taken out of context, many masochistic behaviors like knife play look similar to arguably unhealthy behaviors such as [...]
On Talking to Children and Adolescents about BDSM and Sex
In the past few months, I’ve seen a sharp increase in personal correspondence from people who are asking me (often via email) for clarifications, expansions, or simply personal advice. I’m flattered that people are beginning to look to me for serious advice on what are often painful or difficult questions. At the same time, I’m [...]
Don’t you fret, sexism is alive and well in BDSM
02 Oct 2009 at 18:17
maymay
Beginner BDSM, Myths and misconceptions, Politics of sex, Sexism, Stupid dominants
One of the most frustratingly ignorant arguments for why BDSM is a Bad Thing comes from self-proclaimed feminists who view women who enjoy a submissive sexuality as traitors. My understanding is that such feminists believe that an imbalance of sexual power, most of which they see as being in the hands of men (while annoyingly [...]
