I’m having trouble sleeping tonight for the obvious reasons such as the fact that my life is beginning to turn topsy turvy again, but I’m also spending quite a bit of time exploring new sites and thanks to their content, naturally, masturbating quite a bit. In fact, even though I’m not really masturbating to any unusual degree, I seem to be dripping precum like never before. I’ve already been able to coat my whole shaft with the lubricant it’s provided. This is interesting to me because I’m not typically that drippy a boy. Is it the way I’m masturbating? Is it the fact that my last orgasm was abandoned and perhaps I’m hornier than I would be otherwise? Maybe my body is beginning to get used to producing lots of precum? This would be a wonderful thing, because it might even save me money on buying lube. ;)

(Sidenote: I have a fantasy that Eileen would force me produce a certain amount of precum before I’m given a treat such as being allowed to masturbate to orgasm. Perhaps she only lets me use an eight of a teaspoon of lube and the rest has to be precum, and that’s my “lube ration” for the day or week.)

Whatever it is, it’s sort of besides the point anyway. I got to thinking about masturbation in general and went to go find some corresponding writings. Though I didn’t set out to surf tonight with that goal specifically in mind, I’ve been thinking about it for a few days already because I’ve been away from home and away from Eileen. Interestingly, though I do enjoy the sensations of masturbation, there’s simply nothing that can compare with masturbating in her presence, when she’s present with me. When I’m not around her, I want to masturbate to fantasize about being with her and being controlled by her, but when she is around, I find that I don’t tend to start masturbating unless I ask her for permission first, even though I don’t have to by our rules.

Surfing around, however, sometimes takes a while so tonight I’ve been doing a lot of masturbating and clicking on links. Eventually, the Web did that thing it’s great at doing and I’ve just now been successful in finding a new treasure trove of things to read. The Peter Files is a web site all about male masturbation under female guidance that I’ve been exploring for a little while tonight.

Guided masturbation is an interesting thing. Basically, it’s where one partner masturbates obeying the directions given by another. That’s a sexy thought because there’s an implicit power dynamic embedded in the obeying and giving of directions. This sort of activity is the basis for such forms of pornography as web teases, as can be found extensively at Milovana.com. It makes me wonder why thoughts of guided masturbation is such a turn on for me.

I think one of the major reasons is because, frankly, I’m really good at pleasuring myself. I’ve been practicing for years, and before I gave up control of when, where, and how I orgasmed, I would masturbate myself to several awesome orgasms every day or so. So you know, I’ve had a lot of practice. I think also, just in general, manual masturbation (hand jobs, to put it bluntly) are totally underrated. Sex is good and all, but the lowly hand job is often overlooked as a major part of that. While browsing the Peter Files a bit, I found this excerpt from the Hand Job Manual page that sums up that sentiment nicely:

Sex means more than intercourse; It is also exploring all the different variations that enhances your sex life and keeps it from getting stale. Masturbating your partner can be very exciting for both of you.

But I digress. Hand jobs are one thing, guided masturbation is another. Perhaps, then, it’s the thought that I’m being told what to do that is at the root of the attraction? I certainly like that thought. It reminds me a lot of hypnosis, without the hypnosis. That is, being told certain things, focusing on my dominant’s voice, but instead of being in a trance state I’m in an extremely aroused state. In fact, I wonder what guided masturbation while under hypnosis would be like; certainly a trance state is not mutually exclusive of an extremely aroused state. An interesting twist that I sometimes fantasize about as well would be to be told to masturbate, and then being told to imagine (or perhaps hypnotized to believe?) that the sensations from the masturbation are actually from sex, or from topping a lovely slave girl. (Yes, there’s a streak of toppiness in me sometimes, too!)

I also find guided masturbation to be a possible component of the various games of chance people like to play with orgasm control that I am also interested in. The difference is that games of chance don’t give as much arbitrary control to the dominant, and I rather enjoy the fact that it is Eileen who has ultimate say in what I do. Yes, at times it is sexy to fantasize about her playing the role of a mockingly comforting sweetheart who is simply “playing by the rules,” but I also really enjoy the simple fact that what she says goes.

A few days ago, Eileen asked me if I wished she was “harder” with me. Honestly, I can’t say that I do because I love it when she’s sweet and gentle. There are even times when I will become aroused through even non-sexual, gentle caresses for no other reason than she’s being sweet and delicate with me. It’s less an issue of being hard on me or not, I think, but rather simply following through with the things she wants, making everything that happens be on her terms, and balancing that with the things I am interested in like exploring all sorts of new things.

I think guided masturbation is something I’d like to see us explore a bit more. I think we’d both enjoy it a lot, and it even may provide a comfort and/or a sexual connection during times we’re not with each other physically. (Never thought I’d actually be desiring phone sex, but hey….) I imagine a situation where she tells me to masturbate, giving me instructions like, “A little faster, a little harder…good, now slow down and use just two fingers,” and eventually maybe starting to masturbate herself while she does it. Finally she’ll want to get off so she’ll tell me, “Get yourself to the edge and stay there for me…yes, don’t be silent, moan if you feel like it!” She’d orgasm, and I’d be keeping myself as close as I can until after she finishes, smiles at me, waits a choice few moments, and finally tells me simply, “Stop.”