I’ve been found out! More and more of my non-cyber friends, the ones who know me in person, have been finding this blog. And, strange, I haven’t even written anything in like, three weeks. (Apologies, by the way, as if I actually owe something to readers. That’s another post, though.) Of course, it isn’t really that hard to figure out who I am. This seems to be concerning a select few of them, mostly because they are kind and caring individuals who don’t want to see me “ruined” or “outed” in a negative way.

So, a couple of points are, I think, due to be made.

First, let’s face it, I’m already out and there’s nothing I can or really want to change about that. This means that there’s too much out there about me for me to go track down and sanitize (as if this sort of thing was dirty to begin with, which I think is a silly notion). I’ve written a ton of stuff about my sexuality, but so have others. I’m mentioned in at least three main stream media publications that I can think of, though not by full name, so there’s just no turning back now. If I’d had any hopes of running for public office, which thankfully I don’t, I wouldn’t have won anyway.

Second, and more importantly, there’s very little power someone can wield over me by exposing me as kinky. See point one for why. The fact that I’m already out about this sort of thing is precisely what prevents this from being a vulnerability. Yes, if certain people found out about my sexual proclivities, I may be in some financial duress, but this is not a major concern for me for at least two reasons. The first is perhaps the more important and it is because I am appropriately discreet. I am careful about keeping my personal life out of my business and this would be the case even if my personal life were not so atypical. (Nevermind the fact that the Internet is proving more and more each day that my personal life is actually pretty darn typical.) The second reason is in part based on this first one and is that I would have a number of questions for the colleague who found this blog and read enough of it to trace it back to me. In fact, that would be a delightful conversation!

A friend and reader pointed out to me rather bluntly that I am not actually interested in true anonymity, but instead only care for a “comfortable layer” of it. This is an astute and accurate observation. None of this would actually hold any meaning if it were really anonymous. It’s only powerful because it’s really, truly, me, actually authentic.

The truth about anonymity is this: you can’t be out and be anonymous. You can’t be free while being invisible.