I work in a technology company and so, not surprisingly, in an office. Offices of technology companies are notoriously filled with geeky men and, at first glance, you might think this makes me very happy. (I’m a geek; I like geeks; therefore I like spending time with other geeks.)

However, on closer inspection, as we’ll see in just a moment, the average geek is still an average man, and the average man is still petrified of being emasculated by anal sex, and I get somewhat amusingly peeved by listening to the conversations average men have with other average men most of the time.

Observe the following (paraphrased) discussion that happened not five minutes ago, that stemmed from discussing television in popular culture.

Coworker #1: I’m sure that’s exactly what happened, ‘Uh oh, our ratings are down. We need some girl-on-girl action.’ I mean, heterosexual sex just doesn’t sell anymore.

Coworker #2: Yeah, like the L-word, TV’s all over homosexual shows. I mean, that’s the way to draw an audience.

Me: An audience of straight men, you mean. What about male-male sex?

Coworker #1: Well, uh, that’s far too uncomfortable…. It wouldn’t work.

Coworker #2: Yeah, it’s just—all the…penetration….

Me: How is there a lack of penetration in lesbian sex, exactly?

Coworker #2: Well, that’s like, you know, benign penetration.

Me: And gay sex is like, what, malignant penetration?

There was some laughter and some congratulatory remarks made in my direction about coining the best phrase ever, “malignant penetration.” I didn’t mention the incredible popularity of Queer as Folk during the conversation. Maybe I should have.