I just got an email I thought was pretty funny. In it, the sender implies a conspicuous lack of an item from my toy collection: weights. I mean, doesn’t everyone have weights, at least for cock and ball torture?
Actually, no, I responded…and why would I? I don’t actually like cock and ball torture that much. I don’t really mind cock and ball torture—I mean, it can be fun and all and I’ve done it and stuff, hell I’ve even felt Eileen pierce my ball sack with a needle and poke my penis a bit with one, too—but I just don’t really enjoy it. It’s not a fun kind of pain for me. I just don’t get off on it.
Even if I did, though, would I really need to go out and buy special weights specifically for the purpose of dangling them from my genitals? Eileen’s response to this idea was something along the lines of, “Why the fuck would I spend money on that? There’s tons of shit in my house that’s heavy and tons of ways I could attach it to you. I am way more creative than that.”
Evidently, this sort of attitude is nearly unheard of for submissive men. It’s one of those things, right along with foot fetishism and a desire to be forcibly feminized, that many people tend to automatically assume every single man who is submissive must be into. I mean, I must at least have a weight for cock and ball torture, right?
You see this everywhere. Cock and ball torture is probably in every single stereotypical representation of BDSM that I’ve ever encountered. Women, usually women dressed in stereotypically shiny outfits, who are kicking, punching, slapping, poking, clamping, or otherwise delightfully abusing the male genitalia. Again, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Like I said before, if this is the kind of yodeling garden-gnome sex session you want to have, be my guest, but don’t assume that I’m going to want to do it with you.
And while I’m on the subject of yodeling garden-gnome sex, I’m sure there are a lot of dominant women who aren’t particularly enthusiastic about the idea of cock and ball torture, either. Like chastity and orgasm denial, this is so often just one more unbelievably penis-centric fantasy that the men who perpetuate the stereotype don’t even stop to think about what’s in it for their partners.
Cock and ball torture is so common, actually, it’s got an acronym: CBT. I kind of like this acronym, though, because it means I get to snicker quietly to myself when the HR director says something like, “Maybe we should invest in that CBT package to help our employees understand the new database system.” Of course, she’s talking about computer based training, which actually gives my filthy mind even more awesome fantasies in the office.
Anyway, I find the whole thing to be rather a big nuisance. It’s a little like going to a big city, New York for example, and assuming everyone you meet is a fan of the most well-known sports team, say the Yankees, right off the bat. Most of the people you meet are actually not going to be huge baseball fans at all, and some of them might like the Mets instead. Obviously, making the assumption that everyone you meet is a Yankees fan is kind of dumb.
Well, so is the assumption that all submissive men like CBT, or feet (which I think can be beautiful, but are often very silly looking). It’s more likely to make you look like an ass than anything else. So my advice is the same as it’s always been: stop treating sexual situations so differently from the rest of your life; if you’re not walking around making assumptions about sports teams based on where I live, stop making assumptions about my sexual preferences based on my submissive orientation.
by Rona
11 May 2008 at 02:35
May,
If I didn’t adore you already the phrase “yodeling garden-gnome sex,” would have thrown me over the edge.
Rona
by Wendy
11 May 2008 at 07:49
Yodeling Garden Gnome Sex, huh? Hrm. I think that might be whats going on whenever my family goes to Tyrolean parties. I do hear quite a bit of yodeling, and these are people who have garden gnomes…and none of the ‘kids’ are invited to the parties.
by Sophiste
11 May 2008 at 08:08
Actually, you *are* the first masochistic man I’ve known who didn’t like CBT. (At least, among those men whose intimate preferences I know.) I’ve known other submissive men who didn’t like to receive genital pain, but that was because they didn’t care to receive any pain at all. In my experience, it’s vastly more unusual for a male masochist to “opt out” of CBT than for a submissive man to not engage in foot worship or crossdressing. Of course, it’s perfectly legitimate for you to not like genital pain and to still appreciate non-genital pain–but you hardly need me to tell you that!
by Boston Boy
11 May 2008 at 10:46
If you knew me, Sophiste, you’d know two. Though I’m not sure I count for the purposes of a poll, seeing as while I have some masochist in me, I’m not sure I qualify as a submissive. While we’re keeping score: no thing for feet, though I don’t mind giving a foot rub.
by maymay
11 May 2008 at 13:29
That’s fair, though I’m not the first submissive I know who doesn’t seem to like CBT as a thing. It does seem to be a fairly popular activity, of course, and that is not surprising. I very well may be in the minority as a submissive man who doesn’t like genital pain, but I guess me being in the minority of something sexuality-related is hardly a surprise either.
Of course the other possibility is that I’m just one of the few who are willing to say these kinds of things out loud. :)
by MsS&S
12 May 2008 at 04:38
CBT – just one of those things that bores me after a few minutes. As you said, what’s in that for me, exactly? I’d much rather twist a man’s nipples and watch him grimace.
by maymay
14 May 2008 at 00:11
Fair, though I’m sure CBT enthusiasts will say “What’s the difference between twisting a man’s nipples and his ball sack?” The point, of course, is that it’s got to work for both parties, not just the man.
by Rika
24 May 2008 at 00:51
All these things boil down to one aspect of dominance and submission: It’s not what you do, it’s why you do it. Men don’t necessarily enjoy having weights put on their balls or licking street-dirt off the sole of a foot – but they adore the thought that a woman recognizes she has enough control to have him endure it at her whim. That’s the catch…
As sub-centric activies go, there IS something different about giving, or threatening to give pain to a man’s balls. It’s not so much a psychological thing for me, but it seems to be psychologically loaded for them. Guy’s reactions to being unable to protect their ‘most vulnerable’ (and that can be debated) spot and to having a woman who WANTS to make them feel so vulnerable can be pretty darned delicious!
– Rika.
by Ranat
07 Oct 2008 at 05:12
CBT has always made me go, “Eh. I *guess*… It could be fun, sort of.” Most of the reason I think I have this reaction is that all the guys I’ve seen having CBT are *enjoying* it so damn much. Giggling and writhing in pleasure. I only want to do it if he HATES it (or at the very least loves hating it).
by maymay
07 Oct 2008 at 10:28
Eileen likes to say “attitude is greater than activity.” It’s just another of saying “It’s not what you do, it’s how you do it,” which itself is the same thing as “what’s sexy is intent, not just activity.” I’ve heard this same thing in so many phrases, but they’re all true, like the way spirituality and religions have twenty billion different names for god, and yet so many people still find it so impossible to realize the similarity.