Dear Internet, the following thoughts have just occurred to me. What do you think about them?
Some people would say that there are two kinds of people in this world: people who think desires should be encouraged, and people who think desires should be constrained.
When it comes to sex, the former tend to call themselves “sex-positive,” and they call the latter “sex-negative.”
What the latter group seems hell-bent on ignoring is that their wish to constrain desires is specific only to desires they don’t have; indeed, they gleefully nurture in others their own desire to constrain the wants and needs of others. Their dogmas of restriction, censorship, and criminalization are nothing more complex than elaborate mirages designed to protect their egos from accepting the reality that they are, in fact, what they fear most: they are, in their hearts, people who believe (their own) desires should be encouraged.
So, albeit cliché, this leaves me with the intractable conviction that there are not actually two kinds of people in this world at all.
In this light, anti-sex crusaders would simply be pitiable if they were not also so destructive to the magical possibilities of creation human desires fuel. As it stands, they are humanity’s and humaneness’s most lethal poison.
by Bitsy
11 Nov 2010 at 06:37
I think the people sex negative culture is driven by is broken up into two groups:
a) people who think there own desires/style of sexuality are/is normal and healthy, but that other desires/styles are wired or sick and b) people who think there own desires/style of sexuality are/is sick. The latter absolutely believe that there own desire should be constrained. They just don’t often do well at it.
I’m struck by the tone of this post; it doesn’t sit well with me. (Quite apart from the content.)
by maymay
11 Nov 2010 at 06:48
I’ve been told about a billion times over the course of the last year that my “tone” is a problem. To that I henceforth say: fuck that shit. My tone reflects how I feel, and it’s about goddamn time I stopped hiding how I feel about things for the sake of other people’s perceptions about my tone. :)
by Bitsy
11 Nov 2010 at 07:26
These things, as everything, are your choice.
by Bitsy
11 Nov 2010 at 07:43
About the topic of this post, I read this yesterday (this is by no means the only illustration of the concept, just the one I read last night). At the end the rap-culture rapper turned orthodox Jew says “All these rules, rules, rules,†he said with his hand on an open page of the Talmud. “But you know what you have if you don’t have rules? You end up with a bunch of pills in your stomach. When you don’t know when to say when and no one tells you no, you go off the deep.â€
I also think lots of people feel this way, as if somehow with out a strict structure they couldn’t live a reasonable people, and that other also need this structure.
by Charlie
11 Nov 2010 at 11:54
But what about the folks who want to control a form of sexuality that they secretly engage in (or want to engage in)? Yes, some people want to control other people’s sexualities. And some want their sexuality to be controlled, perhaps out of fear or shame.
Also, as someone who strives to be sex-positive, I wouldn’t say that I think that “desires should be encouraged.” I would say that I think that desires can be explored. And if that exploration begins to hinder anyone’s pleasure, health, consent or well-being, then that is time to stop exploring it. Sometimes, that might mean constraining it in. I don’t think it needs to be an either/or.
by maymay
11 Nov 2010 at 15:54
That’s a good choice of words, “explore,” but I wonder if it’s even possible to explore anything without the encouragement needed to muster the courage to explore.
by Tilly
12 Nov 2010 at 12:09
Yes, I agree that encouragement is often very necessary. As one struggling to exist as an individual and a human in a profession that abhors and crushes individuality and humanness by labeling these things with the evil word “unprofessional,†(Case in point: http://www.ama-assn.org/ama/pub/meeting/professionalism-social-media.shtml ) I would like to say, thanks for the encouragement. In an ideal world it would be possible to be a professional who also happens to have a personal life AND an online presence. I’m curious about weather you feel like you’ve achieved that Maymay.
by maymay
13 Nov 2010 at 00:18
Appearances on the Internet can be deceptive. No, I don’t feel like I’ve achieved that.
by Sunshine Love
27 Mar 2011 at 18:42
“their wish to constrain desires is specific only to desires they don’t have; indeed, they gleefully nurture in others their own desire to constrain the wants and needs of others”
Bingo!
And for the record, I fucking love your fucking tone. Don’t change a thing.