Ever since I became the focus of certain political and legal pressure, I’ve been scared of reflecting too casually on thoughts or feelings filling me. For a time, this blog became more like a broadcast station than a personal journal. I also became guarded because the people closest to me, the ones from whom I gathered the most strength, were no longer supportive, despite their best-intentioned efforts.
Suddenly, the publish button on my blog no longer represented mere readers, but a malevolent and tumultuous world filled with people willing and able to hurt me personally, professionally, and—at least in theory—physically. Rather than write and publish, I retreated to the safety of first, second, and third drafts, followed by an editorial review, and yet more drafts. Publication became an act of resistance, not merely an act of literary vulnerability.
My previous process was possible only because I had the people-power to support it: smart friends willing to hold me to my own standards of critical thinking and intellectual integrity. Conversation constituted the conceptual drafting of arguments, which were refined through additional private discourse until a short essay-like post—still in my own, often harshly, unapologetically and painfully embittered words—was produced. I was at times, and may sometimes still be, wrong-headed in my assertions, but I had enough safety in my relative obscurity to explore the theoretical terrain I had ventured into.
When the pain we were in forced my confidants and I to cease communicating regularly, I didn’t know what to do with myself. In some areas of my life, I still don’t. But I did figure out how to keep thinking, and how to keep writing:
- Externalize my internal monologue by posting copiously to Twitter (via my own site, for data portability and anti-censorship purposes; more on that in March).
- See what sticks, either because I keep talking about it or others pick up on something I’ve said.
- Collect bits of related material in more postings or on a public scratchpad, such as my Tumblr blog. Sometimes this is all that was needed, as the collecting of material resulted in a post here on its own.
- Write a long-form that connects the dots between these multiple pieces of disparate but related material, first in a draft that’s shared with a trusted few if I’m feeling scared, unsure, or lack confidence, then more publicly.
I like the thoroughness and academic rigor this process brings to my writing. But, I am lonely. This process does little to ease my emotional state, even while it hones my intellect. Direct human influence through conversation—the intellectual equivalent of touch—is replaced by the (sometimes literally) filtered thoughts squeezed through the cold, narrow distance of the Internet. And I miss being touched in all the ways that word implies.
I am trying to recapture some of the utility that spontaneity, that sharing first drafts, can bring. I did not spend much time analyzing this post for how I can be attacked for writing it, although I know I can be even as I acknowledge that this particular meta-reflection is less susceptible to attacks than other thoughts are, and so I am risking less hitting the publish button now than I may risk in the future. But I feel fragile and weak and, despite my purported prolificity, I often feel stressed like a bowed wooden plank under the weight of an immense load.
I would like to finally leave the safer confines of thoroughly well thought out posts. I wish I had a more reliable network of confidants with whom I was able to converse face-to-face frequently and consistently and who pushed the bounds of my thinking in doing so—but I don’t. And so I guess if there’s any point in writing this post at all, I’m writing it to ask you to touch my mind in the same way as you, dear reader, are letting me touch yours.
I don’t know if I’m going to be able to do it—this was not the post I sat down to write when I sat down some minutes ago to write. But what better post in which to ask for such a thing than a post for which I did not write a second draft?
by Beka
20 Feb 2011 at 18:26
I am not always a very intellectual person. Nor am I always able to put into words things that I believe or think. But reading your posts has always been wonderfully thought-provoking, and sometimes has even put into words something that I hadn’t been able to verbalise until that moment.
I haven’t much to offer, between work and depression and life’s day-to-day difficulties, but what I have, I offer without restraint. If I can help you in any way, even just to offer an e-hug and an open ear at the end of a long day, I will do so gladly.
*hug*
by Trusthynenemy
20 Feb 2011 at 19:14
I do not know if I can be of help in this, but my question isn’t so much *how much help can I be*, but more “how can I be of help?”. I know that many things I’ve read/seen/talked about recently have been things where I went, “gee, I wonder what May May would say about them”, or things you’ve written have made me want to respond, but being a random total stranger on the internet, I’ve not felt comfortable really reaching out to you… especially as I’m wary of leaving comments most of the time (plus I’m lazy and read you on Google Reader…).
If there is something I can do for you, some way of reaching out or opening dialog (even if it’s “please leave comments”), let me know. You are someone I’d be interested in reaching out more to, if you want that. I think in person might be a bit difficult as if I remember correctly you’re not in my state, but I would be willing to do what I can.
by Nickm
20 Feb 2011 at 19:46
Without taking anything away from the virtues of actual touch, your posts are proof of the spiritual power of virtual touch. This ought to be comforting, even if leaving a lot to be desired. Posts like yours are no less real, and touching in so many ways. I am truly inspired, and comforted. I wish for this to be a reciprocal, very real, loving response. Thanks.
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by Tweets that mention An appeal for safe intellectual exploration: Touch me thoughtfully « Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed -- Topsy.com
21 Feb 2011 at 18:32
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by sexgenderbody, maymaym and 河内丸, Ahmed Awadalla. Ahmed Awadalla said: An appeal for safe intellectual exploration: Touch me thoughtfully – http://goo.gl/kNIr1 /by @maymaym […]
by Quill
21 Feb 2011 at 22:33
Thank you. Thank you for existing. Thank you for educating me and encouraging me to more fully become myself. Thank you for being a role model. Thank you for being incredibly courageous and wise and inspiring.
If there are things I can do to thank you more concretely for the things you have done for me, I am willing to do them.
by Ferns
22 Feb 2011 at 23:57
I suspect this is not what you are asking for, but I offer it anyway into the internet void and across the ether, with positive intent and some feathers out of which you can eventually make wings to lighten the load you are carrying.
You do enough and it is exhausting and inspiring to watch, but you need to give yourself a break from being the public you, from the standards and the self scrutiny and the guns blazing. When everything becomes work, there isn’t so much left to give yourself, if anything. I still remember when you used to write personally and from the heart, I love that guy… give him some little safe corner just for himself, even if it’s not a public one.
So I am not really touching your mind, but I want to send positive thoughts, to let you know that your struggles break my heart a little, that I wish there were enough letters in the alphabet that I could put in the right order to help somehow. I know that the kind thoughts of strangers are largely meaningless… regardless, I send them your way gently and warmly and hope they might help even a little.
Ferns
by Nickm
23 Feb 2011 at 02:47
Wow Ferns! I can speak for myself only: your words hit the center of my soul. Thank you for this gentle jolt of loving wisdom.
by April Q.
26 Feb 2011 at 13:31
Dear Maymay,
Outside, it is lightly snowing minuscule flakes like swan down. They have half-covered the world outside – just enough to make it bright but not so heavily as to obscure anything. It is remarkably beautiful, and in its beauty, reminds me of you.
Though I have been reading your blog for about a year now*, I have never commented before. I am a typically-aged undergraduate student, and a queer, feminist** woman. Though I’m studying science in school, I have a tremendous passion for social justice and activism. I also really enjoy looking at things from an intellectual perspective.
I have found your work on this blog and Male Submission Art to be incredibly inspiring, moving, and intellectually stimulating. You have made me cry and made me feel helpless and made me want to give you a hug (if you wanted one) and made me feel strong and made me feel like I could do anything – like I could make a difference – that I could maybe one day be as awesome as you. You have absolutely informed many of my ideas about sexual freedom, and provided invaluable insight to me about sexuality, at a personal and societal level. You are one of my heroes***: you have filled me with courage and vigour and passion and new ways of thinking and talking about things and new tools to create the changes I would like to see in the world. You are the most noble person I know (or know of).Thank you so much for all of these gifts.
If there is anything I can do to help you in any capacity, please let me know. You – your existence and your words – have touched me in ways that very few people have in my life. I would consider it an honour and a blessing to be able to reciprocate somehow. Please feel free to contact / communicate with me by email if you wish.
Warmest regards,
April Q.
*if you’re interested, I found you via Male Submission Art via a post on Alas, A Blog by Richard Jeffery Newman about things he had been reading on the Internet
**included in my feminism is a commitment to recognizing and ending homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, racism, classism, dis/ableism, and all other forms of oppression and marginalization
***I do not have many heroes… there are not very many people with whom I identify enough with to feel so strongly about. The others are: Harriet J. (an anonymous pseudonym), author of the personal blog Fugitivus; and riese (Marie Lyn Bernard) Editor-in-Chief and of co-founder of the queer-girl-magazinelike-website Autostraddle
by Wilhelmina
10 Mar 2011 at 06:15
Best of luck with this. It’s completely understandable that you’d self-edit more strictly, after all the personal attacks and general negativity you’ve experienced. It’s impressive to me that you continue to put yourself out there despite all that. As one reader out of… however many, I’m glad. I enjoy (and am inspired by) what you write, so I’m looking forward to seeing other dimensions of your thoughts.
by Sunshine Love
28 Mar 2011 at 01:19
I often wonder how I’ll cope if my writing ever attracts enough attention to get attacked. It’s not something I look forward to finding out.
Meanwhile, from what little I do know as someone who reads and has been read, is that authenticity is the golden prize. That’s what readers want. That’s what shines. That’s what makes us thank you for being brave and honest. And I know that it’s hard as fuck to do and I can’t even imagine having it taken and twisted away like those narrow minded fearful fucks did. So do what you gotta do, man, but know that you’ve touched a lot more people than you’ve offended.
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29 Mar 2011 at 13:21
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by Mickey
18 Dec 2011 at 05:30
I would be honored if I could, in some way, help you with what you need intellectually. See my reply on Facebook for more detail.
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02 Jan 2012 at 03:45
[…] all this doing and failing and doing again, something magical happened: I began to understand how to connect with you. One piece, one memory, one story at a time. Bit by digital bit, I reconstituted myself in a form […]
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11 Jan 2012 at 23:18
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