There have been some posts about what rolequeer sex looks like and what rolequeer porn looks like, but what about all the non-sex stuff?

What does a rolequeer friendship look like? And a rolequeer workplace? (I’m tempted to say I’d be an anarchist workplace) Rolequeer parenting? Rolequeer activism?Heck, rolequeer cooking or rolequeer art or rolequeer anything! I’d love to hear your ideas and examples. 

For me, this is a place where you have a lot of movements in different areas but with an ultimately common center. Like, there’s relationship anarchy (which would be relevant to friendship) and the recent nonmonogamist tag, and I’ve run into respectful parenting and gentle parenting.

Would totally be interested in anything anyone else has run into, and thoughts on the other things!

I honestly find this question somewhat confusing in itself, especially given that most of the time I’ve used or intimated the word “rolequeer” I’ve done so in a non-erotic context. Here is a round-up in case you missed some of these references and in so doing were left with an incomplete picture of what I’ve been using the word for.

  1. In “Prologue to Consent Is Not Enough” I use the example of the relationship between a therapist and their client. Excerpt: “[an abusive dynamic in] the overculture [is] where therapists are taught that their job is to help people better integrate themselves in an abusive society by sublimating their own will rather than supporting their clients to do whatever the fuck they need to do to reject participation in said abusive society.”
  2. In one of my “Rolequeerness is not about sex; it’s about power” posts, I explicitly give examples citing workplaces, schools, and parenting. Excerpt: “In a workplace, a rolequeer boss might do everything they can to support an employee’s professional development and then, rather than offer a promotion, that boss would encourage employees who mastered the job to quit. In a school, a rolequeer teacher might jettison the school’s curriculum and start sharing information about how to drop out of school and not be treated “like a drop-out,” covertly if necessary. A rolequeer parent or legal guardian would teach their legal charge about “parental controls” software, not activate any of them, and then explain how to get around any of those controls when they are active.
  3. In the same post, I also quote Kat Whimsy, a dance community blogger, who aptly uses rolequeer to describe a form of partnered dance activity that is neither lead nor follow. Excerpt: “I like Kat’s use of “rolequeer” here because it’s spot-fucking-on and emphasizes the kind of exploration I’m talking about, above. Dance is a great example of a prescribed social interaction with a clearly defined “script.” The interaction is often very rigid: left foot here, right foot there, hands like this. But the ideal outcome of “a good dance” is extremely vague. In that way, it’s not unlike sex. Of course, while heteronormative sex is very scripted (insert tab A in slot B, remove, repeat), sex is actually more like the generic concept of dance than it is like any particular kind of dance. Sex isn’t the foxtrot, or a tango—it’s not necessarily a given activity. But that doesn’t mean you can’t do a given activity (like the foxtrot, or a tango) as sex.”
  4. In my most recent post, “What I mean when I say Submissive,” I gave even more examples of jobplace-related rolequeerness and one more from my own experiences with the Medical-Industrial Complex. Excerpt: “When I was forced to go see psychopharmocologists for my “mental illness,” I became obsessed with learning everything I could possibly know about neurochemistry. (I am still diagnosed mentally ill. No, I do not take medications for it anymore.) […] When I saw secretaries doing painfully repetitive computer “paper work,” I taught them how to automate some parts of their job and then encouraged them to take longer lunch breaks rather than do more work.”
  5. In my post about rolequeer porn, “Multivalent if cornered. Malevolent when dominated,” I was intentionally describing hypothetical erotica using terms from non-erotic, real life examples of embattled anti-authoritarian action. Excerpt, with emphasis added: “So, rolequeer porn, as I understand it, would eroticize disobedience to authority. It would eroticize Submissives taking care of themselves and each other. It would valorize Dominants who are traitors or whistleblowers or turncoats to themselves and other Dominants. It would eroticize Submissives being good *for* themselves and each other, not just good *to* the people with power over them.”

This is just off the top of my head. I’ve been writing about this shit for longer than I had the word “rolequeer” to describe it with. That means there are probably even more examples out there that I just haven’t been able to find links to in the span of one or two clicks.

In another post, you also asked, “What exactly is the relationship between rolequeerness and anarchism?” To me, a short answer to this question is that rolequeerness is queer anarchism; rolequeer sex is anarchism, applied to sex. Compare this with when I say “BDSM is fascism applied to sex.”

I am not rolequeer because I am an anarchist. Rather, insofar as I am an anarchist (instead of someone who is “doing anarchism everywhere in their life”), it is because I am rolequeer. See also this early roundup post, “Continuing Discussion on ‘Dominants are Rapists’: Useful Reflections from the Blogosphere,” especially the excerpt by unquietpirate describing me as “one of the most submissively-identified people I know is also one of the most hardcore anti-authoritarians I’ve ever met.”

Does this address your question and clarify my viewpoint?