Archive for the ‘BDSM psychology’ Category

“The kink/BDSM community isn’t trying to end rape culture. They’re trying to eroticize it.”

The kink/BDSM community isn’t trying to end rape culture. They’re trying to eroticize it. We already have a society in which relationship role models are so thoroughly intoxicated with abuser dynamics that most people don’t even know what consenting feels like. By celebrating this state of affairs and attempting to normalize the explicit eroticization of […]

Dominants are rapists.

KinkInExile has a short and to the point post up replying to a post by Ferns that bemoans what she sees as changing attitudes towards dominance and submission among younger BDSM practitioners. Ferns wrote: [M]ostly, what young people are doing is Really Good Stuff. They are, for the most part, smart and thoughtful and considerate […]

Submissive people don’t need dominants. Period.

“[W]hile the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn’t there? Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once […]

Signal boost: “The Devaluation of Male Submission”

Reading sexual writing viscerally pains me these days. For a supposed “sex blogger,” this is a huge problem. In order to write well, I need to read a lot, and when I can’t read others’ sex blogs I’m sharply hamstrung. And why do I have this much trouble? Because the concept of eroticization itself has […]

“Good boy,” and other kinds of complicated sex

Imagine my pleasant surprise when my Internet radar picked up a great post by a thoughtful new feminist BDSM blogger. FeministSub has a thing or two (or three) to say about the phrase “good girl” worth pointing out: “Good girl.” I don’t think there’s anything that captures my mixed feelings about submission like that phrase. […]

It’s foggy today: how BDSM and sex can be emotional self-medication in a cruel world

It was foggy in my (new) hometown of San Francisco today. I like fog. If I were weather I would be, I think, a dense fog. A friendly acquaintance of mine is fond of asking, “How’s your weather?” She does this instead of using the more common, “How are you?” I like her rephrasing because the […]

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