Archive for the ‘Beginner BDSM’ Category

How I would have coached my younger Submissive self to talk to BDSM’ers

Submissive person: I’m really intrigued by the notion of having sex tied up in some way. BDSM person: You should totes join us, then! We’ll show you the ropes. We’ll even teach you to like stuff you didn’t know you liked! Submissive person: That sounds…interesting…but…I’d rather just do this stuff I know I like, first. […]

“Submission lies at the heart of what makes sex good. It’s possible to have sex without domination.”

If Alice uses Bob for her sexual gratification, there is nothing she can do to make that objectification right. Bob and Bob alone has that power. In my mind, submission isn’t just some kink that some people have. Submission is the voluntary use of one’s own power to become the means to someone else’s end. […]

Dominants are rapists.

KinkInExile has a short and to the point post up replying to a post by Ferns that bemoans what she sees as changing attitudes towards dominance and submission among younger BDSM practitioners. Ferns wrote: [M]ostly, what young people are doing is Really Good Stuff. They are, for the most part, smart and thoughtful and considerate […]

Submissive people don’t need dominants. Period.

“[W]hile the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn’t there? Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once […]

Never, ever assume you need permission from a dominant person to speak to a submissive person

This one’s easy and yet the difficulty with which most people who participate in the BDSM Scene get this wrong speaks volumes about their ignorance and complicity in oppression culture. So easy, this whole post could’ve just been the title: Never, ever assume you need permission from a dominant person to speak to a submissive […]

“Good boy,” and other kinds of complicated sex

Imagine my pleasant surprise when my Internet radar picked up a great post by a thoughtful new feminist BDSM blogger. FeministSub has a thing or two (or three) to say about the phrase “good girl” worth pointing out: “Good girl.” I don’t think there’s anything that captures my mixed feelings about submission like that phrase. […]

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