Archive for the ‘Myths and misconceptions’ Category

Rolequeerness is not just about “who,” it’s about “how,” too; it is the HOW of effectively criticizing power.

princess-poophead: The more I read on their blogs, the weirder it seems that the rolequeer people aren’t talking about doms/tops as people with races and genders and like ability and stuff which is so weird because they’re talking about BDSM as “the fetishization of oppressive culture” so like don’t the privileges and lack thereof in […]

The theory of BDSM as parody [where it’s flawed and where it’s not]

notfuckingcishet: I was very disappointed today to pick up a reader on queer sexuality, skipping quickly to the chapter on kink, to find yet another article that accepted uncritically the theory that BDSM is a parody of oppression. For those of you unfarmiliar with the theory, this is the idea that BDSM parodies real oppression […]

A fixation on sexualizing authority, not consent, is what makes BDSM the thing that it is

When describing their communities, BDSM’ers will talk about how theirs is a “safe, sane” space, “based on consent and respect and sex-positivity” as if reciting some invisible script. But there are many communities whose rhetoric or practice (or both) are based on these ideas, so it seems incomplete at best or a deliberate misdirection at […]

3 Reasons Why Rape Fans on Both Sides of the Fence Hate “Consent as a Felt Sense”

The other day, the essay I co-wrote with unquietpirate, “You Can Take It Back: Consent as a Felt Sense,” was linked on MetaFilter. In our essay, we argue that understanding consent as a form of “agreement” or contract is at the root of many patterns of violence, including but not limited to rape culture and the overwhelming, global epidemic of sexual assault. That is to say, rape is widespread and normalized because a fundamental component of the experience of rape, namely consent-violating behavior, is also widespread and normalized. Finally, we propose that understanding consent as “being okay with an experience one is having or has had” rather than legalistically as “permission to do a thing” might go a long way toward mitigating and ultimately healing from this widespread violence.

This should hardly be a controversial assertion. Who can claim to have never experienced unwanted coercive influence on our decision making process? Who can claim to have never said “yes” to anything under threat of violence? Only a fool or a deity could possibly claim such a thing, and even then the fool’s ignorance of his or her or their position on the business end of the guns does not change the fact of the gun’s presence.

Yet our essay is reliably controversial and reliably inspires the most vicious sentiments. This blog got a surge of threatening comments after MetaFilter linked to it, and the thread on MetaFilter itself quickly ballooned to nearly 100 comments, largely filled with hate-spew but also some remarkable gems of critical thought.

There is a pattern to the hate-spew. Aside from the ad-hominems (“maymay is a horrible person,” which may be true but doesn’t change the merits of the argument), the hate-spew follows three basic lines of thought.

Read the rest of the post….

“Submission lies at the heart of what makes sex good. It’s possible to have sex without domination.”

If Alice uses Bob for her sexual gratification, there is nothing she can do to make that objectification right. Bob and Bob alone has that power. In my mind, submission isn’t just some kink that some people have. Submission is the voluntary use of one’s own power to become the means to someone else’s end. […]

Why attacking Predator Alert Tools backfire on attackers

What appears at first to be a somewhat understandable request by a woman named Anna Dawn Brecht to be removed from the Predator Alert Tool for FetLife database turns into a desire to shut the system down for everyone, regardless of its benefits for others. With the help of her “Dominant,” a long-time FetLife user who goes by the name CarolyneTiler, but whose legal name is Caroline Tyler and, according to her LinkedIn profile, works as a technologist for medical software company EMIS, the pair launch a denial of service attack against PAT-FetLife, which ultimately results in the further distribution of information they want buried.

In the end, Anna Brecht (aka “MarmiteGirl” or “CarolynesRose” on FetLife) and her cohort of attackers succeed only in proving that trying to take down what is still the only warning tool for rape survivors on FetLife isn’t merely a shitty way for supposed advocates of a “Safe, Sane, and Consensual” so-called “lifestyle” to behave, it also offers an exceptionally reliable indicator—undeniable, even—that those attackers should be included in the Predator Alert Tool’s database itself.

If someone violates your consent, you can report it. Likewise, if someone writes hateful reports about you (like “this person is a whiny drama queen”), and you can guess who did it, report that too. If you see spam reports (like “violated my consent by being hot as hell”) in the database and you think you know who’s doing it, report that too. The more someone tries to misuse Predator Alert Tool, the more information about their misuse is available. In other words, Predator Alert Tool is antifragile; damage and chaos don’t break the system, they help it grow.

This post explains why and how attacking Predator Alert Tools backfire on attackers. It also details this week’s denial-of-service attack against Predator Alert Tool for FetLife, provides a profile of the attackers in question, some information about mitigation strategies, and asks for input from you, the survivor support community, about how to best respond to such attacks in the future.

Read the full post.

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