Archive for the ‘Politics of sex’ Category

600 words about wake-up sex and whether you’re a rapist or not for doing it

The terminology around sexual consent that unquietpirate and I popularized in our essay You Can Take It Back: Consent as a Felt Sense, continues to take root in discourses about sexual ethics. This time, it’s an answer to the somewhat clichéd question, “Is waking up my partner with oral sex rape?” There’s two different senses […]

The FetLife Creeplist, Volume 1

Here is a list of the first 3,730 of FetLife’s financial supporters who are male- and dominant-identified. More specifically, this list contains the FetLife user ID number, name, age, location, and number of “friends” of most FetLife users who purchased a premium FetLife membership and who self-identify as male and one of either “Dom,” “Master,” or “Top” on their FetLife profiles. I hereby dub this the FetLife Creeplist, Volume 1.

(Interactive table on maybemaimed.com powered by Inline Google Spreadsheet Viewer.)

This list was trimmed from a publicly-available dataset of over one-and-a-half million FetLife users’ basic profile information. That bigger list is also available for anyone to download from here, or here. But it’s much more interesting when only a specific demographic is targeted, isn’t it? ;)

A short etymological exploration of consent, or, Contractual consent and the privatization of experience

I was curious about the etymology of “contract” after remembering that the etymology of “consent” is actually literally “to feel together,” itself a formulation of the Latin “con-” prefix (meaning “with”) and “sentire” (meaning “to feel”). Contract, perhaps unsurprisingly, is much more direct. It is from the Latin “contractus,” which means exactly the same thing […]

Remember, remember.

I met Staci Newmahr shortly after I turned 18. At that time, the pseudo-public playspaces and “dungeons” of the early 2000’s S&M subculture defined “young” as “anyone who was not yet 40 years old, or 35 at least.” Despite being about a decade my senior, Staci (who would go on to author a widely acclaimed […]

What’s the difference between choice, permission, and consent as a felt sense?

The Rolequeer blog is having a conversation with an erotic author going by gleefullydepraved who misused the word “rolequeer” in a fascinatingly disturbing way, unsurprisingly, given their nom de plume. You don’t need to read their conversation to understand this essay, but it might provide some useful context to my remarks. I’m responding to gleefullydepraved […]

Dear Lori Adorable, regurgitating sex-positive cliches is cowardly denialism of abusive BDSM

theotherside-205 asked: (1 of 2) I want to say thank you for your commentary on the post pathologizing survivors who engage in kink. I started following you yesterday because I’d been triggered by a lot of posts on my dash about how kink is inherently problematic, sometimes adding, “But I guess I don’t hate survivors […]

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