A fixation on sexualizing authority, not consent, is what makes BDSM the thing that it is

When describing their communities, BDSM’ers will talk about how theirs is a “safe, sane” space, “based on consent and respect and sex-positivity” as if reciting some invisible script. But there are many communities whose rhetoric or practice (or both) are based on these ideas, so it seems incomplete at best or a deliberate misdirection at […]

This is what distinguishes rolequeer sex from many other approaches to erotic intimacy

Rolequeerness is not about sex. It’s about power. But insofar as sex is about power, then rolequeerness is simply a neologism pointing out the reality of sex as infused with inegalitarian power relations and describes one’s desire to undermine that inequity. The idea that human relationships are infused with power imbalances is not some new […]

“D/s dynamic” is BDSM code for “be grateful when I rape you”

Stripped of its cultural dressage, identifying as a sadomasochistic “Dominant” (a “Dom”) is, at its core, a claim that you expect others to be grateful to you for violating their consent. While there are certainly some situations in which gratitude may be a legit reaction someone has to experiencing a consent violation, presupposing that this […]

“Submission lies at the heart of what makes sex good. It’s possible to have sex without domination.”

If Alice uses Bob for her sexual gratification, there is nothing she can do to make that objectification right. Bob and Bob alone has that power. In my mind, submission isn’t just some kink that some people have. Submission is the voluntary use of one’s own power to become the means to someone else’s end. […]

“The kink/BDSM community isn’t trying to end rape culture. They’re trying to eroticize it.”

The kink/BDSM community isn’t trying to end rape culture. They’re trying to eroticize it. We already have a society in which relationship role models are so thoroughly intoxicated with abuser dynamics that most people don’t even know what consenting feels like. By celebrating this state of affairs and attempting to normalize the explicit eroticization of […]

Predator Alert Tool for Twitter is now available as a WordPress plugin

Predator Alert Tool for Twitter is now available as a WordPress plugin: Predator Alert Tool for Twitter empowers you to document harassment on Twitter and alert others about predatory users. What constitutes “predatory” is entirely up to you; the software makes no claim as to what behavior hurts you. Predator Alert Tool for Twitter can […]

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